


Political Relations

by themysscira



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Desk Sex, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Everyone's A Politician, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Hate Sex, Heartbreak, Jealous Kylo Ren, Jealous sex, Kylo Is A Smug Asshole, Love/Hate, Orgasm Denial, Political AU, Porn with Feelings, Reader and Kylo just can't get along, Rey be snooping, Sexual Tension, Slight Poe/Reader but Not Really, Spanking, i love sadness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-10
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2018-11-12 14:10:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 38,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11163477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themysscira/pseuds/themysscira
Summary: AU in which Kylo and Reader are politicians for opposing parties. When Kylo's department threatens the livelihood of your citizens, you find yourself caught up in a battle with one of the most insufferable, but annoyingly attractive politicians you ever met.





	1. Rage Quit

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by both the chaotic political times in the backyard of my lovely home Britain and a political Hiddleston fic I read years ago. I'm not up to scratch on SW politics, so bear with me while I do a terrible job of making everything up.

You watched him from across the chamber as he laughed and jeered with his fellow MPs. Gods, he was insufferable. You were sure he’d only won his seat because of his last name. His parents were well regarded in the political game and even though this Solo completely sold out to the dark side of politics and changed his entire persona, people would still vote for him because he was still a Solo by blood.

“Will Lord Ren be able to assure me that he will personally look into the cuts that his government are trying to enforce upon Ucleon’s benefits scheme? Considering the atrocities his party have committed in the past to this town, of which they are still reeling, it would be catastrophic to remove their only supportive pillar.”

Kylo Ren, the junior minister at the Department for Work and Pensions looked up towards your spot in the opposition bench across the room. You shot him an ice-cold glare, one that had earned you a reputation among the likes of the First Order. You’d heard all the derogatory names they’d called you, but it didn’t matter as you played a hard game and you always took delight in seeing them fall at the first hurdle.

You sat back down, folding your arms across your chest as you an arched an eyebrow at Ren, a signal that you were awaiting his response.

He finally stood up, his tall frame dwarfing the podium as he adjusted the mic closer to his mouth. “I would like to reassure Lady Y/N, the honorable member of Ucleon, that any benefit cuts that this government are enforcing are to fix the unnecessary bureaucracy that her party weighed the planet down with for twenty years!”

His speech was met with applause and cheers of agreement from his side of the benches as well as anger and disapproval from your opposing side. Ren turned to beam at his companions before returning his gaze to you. Oh, you wanted nothing more than to smack that shit-eating grin right off his face. He was basking in your silent fury, mocking you even further, “But, I promise that we will look into the funding at Ucleon and if it can be proven that the benefits are integral to the community as the Lady suggests.”

***

 “He is an utter dickhead! I mean all of them over in the First Order are, but he is something else. He really loves himself!” venting to your friend and fellow Resistance MP, Rey, about your hatred for Kylo Ren had become a regular occurrence of late. “Did you see that smug grin he gave me? God, I hate him!”

She nodded, giving you a sympathetic smile as you continued your rant. “After all his government have done! These benefits are vital to the Ucleon community. He tried to blame it on us as if the apparently shit work our party did over twenty years forced his to make this decision. It’s people’s livelihoods at risk, Rey! Who does he think he is?”

“I’ll tell you who he thinks he is,” Rey leaned back in her chair as you grabbed the bottle and poured more wine into your cup. Another glass wouldn’t hurt, right? You were having a terrible day after all. “He’s an over privileged Solo scrotum who wouldn’t know the meaning of true community if it slapped him in the face. That goes for the majority of the First Order, actually. He’s petulant child living off the fame of his family name even though he refuses to use it as if that makes a difference. You can take him down, Y/N. It’s an easy win.”

***

The black and grey colour scheme of his office rather made you feel as though you were waiting for a meeting with the Grim Reaper to discuss the terms of your death. Although, you were adamant that you would not lose this case. Your citizens were depending on you as was your party. Resistance members who had challenged Ren on finance before were left defeated and embarrassed. You were determined to not let that be you.

You’d been waiting here for over an hour. Ren’s blonde secretary had been no help, refusing to disclose his whereabouts because it was ‘policy’ or some bullshit. You couldn’t believe you’d cleared your schedule for this. He’d promised you this timeslot to talk about the benefit cuts to Ucleon, yet he hadn’t bothered to show.

“Sorry about being late!” a deep voice snapped you back to reality.

You looked up to see Ren bounding in dressed in workout clothing. Without warning, he took your hand and shook it. Using his other to remove headphones from his ears, the faint melody of an 80s-pop tune could be heard and you inwardly smirked.

_Kylo Ren likes cheesy pop, who would’ve thought?_ You had him penned down as more of an angsty emo pop-punk type listening to tunes about rebelling against mum and dad and the like.

His hand was damp with sweat and you grimaced, pulling out of the handshake and wiping your palm on your skirt.

“I’m a bit behind on appointments and don’t have time to change. Would you mind conducting the meeting like this?”

_Yes. Yes, you bloody would mind._ Was he insane? Where was the professionalism?

“Forget the poxy meeting! I’ve been waiting over an hour for you!” you raised your voice, “I’m here to fight for the livelihood of my community that you want to destroy. The least you could do was humour me!”

Packing up your files and shoving them in your bag, you stormed out of the room. Your heels clicked furiously against the stone flooring as you stomped loudly up the ten staircases towards your office.

You paused in the hallway, leaning against the wall in an effort to regain your breath. Half due to exhaustion from the long climb to the Resistance base and half due to wasting all your energy on that idiot Ren.

“Just wait until the press hears about this,” you muttered to yourself, “They won’t believe the arrogant prick they really voted for.”

“Hey, you know what they say about talking to yourself.”

You grinned to yourself when you recognised Poe’s voice. He was also a Member of Parliament for the Resistance although he’d been in the game much longer than you. Your parents took you along to one of Poe’s speeches to his constituency, the one which your grandparents had lived in, and you were hooked. You set your mind to a political career, following campaign trails and canvassing as much as you could to garner support for the Resistance during election periods.

You’d eventually caught Poe’s attention and wormed your way into representing Ucleon when the previous candidate stepped down after several years in politics.

This man had made you believe in change, in hope for the future and not letting the greedy First Order walk all over the little people. He’d taken a chance on you and so far, it had paid off.

“Yes, well I think I’m going mad,” you shrugged with a small smile, “You should’ve told me a career politics would destroy any last shred of sanity I had.”

He chuckled, “I would’ve thought that was obvious. Anyway, who has dared anger the mighty Y/N this time?”

“Ren.”

“The ‘I’m So Much More Than a Solo’ kid?”

“That’s him. He promised me two hours to talk to him about the First Order’s ridiculous idea to cut Ucleon’s benefits, but I was left waiting for an over hour than our agreed time. When did he show up, he was in gym clothes and asked if I would be happy to meet with in his sweaty vest and tiny shorts!” The whole matter was a ridiculously unprofessional example of behaviour, but so had been your outburst. “I yelled at him and stormed out like a child. I feel awful, I’ve left my constituents down.”

He sighed in pity, putting his arm around you and ushering you towards your office.

“Don’t get so worked up over, Ren,” he reassured you, “He’s at fault for not turning up on time. Calm down, have a glass of wine…”

You shot him a look and he laughed, “You think I don’t know about the bottle of Merlot you hide behind that picture of General Organa?”

“She was a great leader! A true icon of the Resistance!”

“Yes, and she’s now being used to hide your alcohol. How the mighty have fallen,” he retorted in jest, “Look, take a couple of minutes to relax. Once you’re feeling less like you want to punch Ren in the face, give his office a call and schedule another meeting before you return to Ucleon.”

You hated to think about another meeting with Ren, but you knew you had to for the sake of your constituency.


	2. I Sleep Rather Well

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear, are those early stirrings of feelings for Ren?

As the crew members for the television station removed your microphone packs, Hux shook his head and laughed. The pair of you had spent the past two and a half hours contributing to a discussion on the catastrophic shooting that happened several cities away with both the Resistance and the First Order battling it out to reassure people that they were doing all they could to ensure the safety of their own constituencies.

“I absolutely hate getting stuck doing broadcasts with you,” muttered Hux as the pair of you left the studio.

“Why?”

“Because you always show me up! Oh, surprise!” he pulled out his phone and held the screen up to you, “There’s my mother reminding me that I joined the wrong side and that you’ve completely whooped my ass again.”

“You know what they say, Huxy,” you leaned in and straightened his dark grey tie, “Mother knows best.”

Considering he was part of the dark side of politics, you and Hux happened to get along quite well when you weren’t under the watchful glare of the media and your fellow MPs.

It hadn’t always been so cordial between the pair of you. You’d challenged him on a security policy made by his government many months ago. He was uptight and haughty, immediately marking you as incompetent because you were of the fairer sex, but you hadn’t expected any less from a First Order politician. However, you managed to wear him down and when you eventually won, pointing out a pivotal flaw in his new defense system, his cheeks had been redder than his hair. Hux learned very quickly that even though you were fighting for the opposite side, you were a force to be a reckoned with.

“You need to stop living in the past,” Hux sighed when you brought up the situation with Ren and the benefit cuts to your constituency, “You’re living in some idyllic socialist bubble where everyone is equal, and wealthy, and holding hands as they skip into the sunset.”

“Welfare state exists for a reason,” you argued, “It's there to protect those in need and Ucleon are—”

He shook his head, “Ucleon’s a ghost town, Y/N. Quite frankly I’m surprised Poe hasn’t put you up for a better constituency in one of the other cities. You’ve more than proved yourself. You know, you’d be an incredible asset to the First Order…”

“You can’t convert me over to the dark side, Hux, I’m not as weak as Ren,” you laughed, “Besides, Ucleon in its prime was a hub of social culture and business. Your party diminished that and that’s why it’s in such a poor state today. They need these benefits to live.”

You paused, pulling out the folder containing all the detailed case studies and notes you’d drawn up for your previous meeting with Ren, “Please, you’re in his party. He’ll listen to you! Get him to look at this, it’s packed with statistics that prove Ucleon is not the wasteland that you guys have rubbished it is as!”

“You know, he would’ve looked through all this if you hadn’t run out of his office ‘like a spoiled brat’ the other day – Hey, his words not mine!” he held his hands up in surrender as you glared at him, “Why don’t you just reschedule with him?”

“Because he wanted to conduct a meeting about the life and death of my constituents in tiny navy shorts!” you shuddered at the memory of Ren’s lack of professionalism. The fact no-one else seemed shocked was appalling to you.

Hux rolled his eyes, “Don’t pretend you didn’t at least check out Ren’s ass in those shorts!”

Before you could even defend yourself against the ridiculous and frankly disgusting notion of admiring Ren’s behind, Hux power-walked ahead. Not turning around, he called out to you, “Reschedule with Ren!”

Asshole.

***

Groaning, you slammed your face down onto your desk. You were exhausted. You loved your job, you really did. The citizens of Ucleon were a joy to serve, but you just couldn’t shake your dilemma with Ren from your mind. And now that Hux had brought it up, he did look quite good in those shorts…. No! What are you thinking?

Shaking your head, you frantically blinked as you tried to return your attention back to your computer screen. You’d spent the entire day replying to e-mails from your constituents. The subjects ranged from potholes in the roads causing damage to cars, children who’d been terrorising a pensioner by throwing stones at his window and other neighbourly disputes. Add all that and the benefits situation to the list and your work seemed endless.

A loud knock on your office door snapped you out of your pity party. “Come in,” you shouted. Mumbling to yourself as you pressed send on your latest e-mail reply, you sighed, “You’re just interrupting train station vandalism.”

“Hux said you wanted to see me,” Ren’s head poked around the office door. At the sound of his deep voice, you lifted your head. The quick motion almost caused whiplash.

You were a mess. Your hair stuck to your face, a red mark on your cheek from where you had your face planted against your desk in despair. You made a helpless attempt to blow your hair out of your eyes, but it was feeble.

Kylo stood in the doorway chuckling at your awkwardness, awaiting your invitation to enter. He scanned your office environment. It was a lot different to his. The dark colour scheme of the First Order was swapped for a more Resistance suitable one of bright colours like orange and yellow. Your workspace was also very different to his. Your idea of organization was stacks and stacks of folder and files scattered around your desk and floor. A framed picture of his mother, General Leia giving a speech to the Resistance, sat on your shelf.

“What’s so funny?” you frowned.

He cleared his throat, attempting to hide his amusement, “My mum, really?”

“Clearly the lineage of decent Organa-Solo family members ended with her and your father,” you retorted, “And I suppose you have pictures of Vader adorning your office walls?”

“Ah, yes, the poster boy for the dark side of politics,” he nodded, “I hate to disappoint, but no. I have a government office which means staring at some pretty hideous watercolours all day.”

He saw the look of disapproval on your face and grinned, “Maybe if you ever get into government, I’ll bring you the family album. You can swap them for Leia portraits or something.”

“Are you going to sit down or…?” you glared at him.

He walked into the office, hesitantly taking a seat across from you. “I’m here to discuss the Ucleon benefits.”

“Well, now’s not a good time for me. It’s nearly ten in the evening and I have about five minutes to make my train back.”

“Hate to break it to you, but it’s just gone midnight. The only machines still running are the vacuum cleaners.”

“Shit!” you groaned, your head meeting your desk once more. Add buying a new clock to list of things that needed to be done. “This is a nightmare!”

Ren couldn’t help but watch your tired meltdown. It was rather entertaining, and not that he’d ever admit it, but he thought it was cute seeing the most ruthless woman in the Resistance party break down over missing her train.

“I’m sorry, I can’t discuss the benefits tonight. I have to get the first train back to Ucleon. I’ve got a meeting with a school that’s about to scrap its nursery division because of your cuts,” you rolled your eyes. You were sick of him and his party's lack of ability to consider the chaos that their decisions would cause. “Kids are going to be missing out on the integral building blocks of childhood learning because all of you lot at the First Order care more about protecting the rich and ending the deficit - which doesn’t seem to be ending at all, might I add - than educating the minds of tomorrow. How do you sleep at night?”

Tucking your hair behind your ears, you spared a moment to glare at him after your rant before aggressively returning to shoving your belongings and other files into your handbag. Kylo watched you, utterly fascinated by how passionate you were. He could practically see the sparks of rage in your wild eyes.

He got up, pushing the chair back under your desk, “Look, I’m available any time after seven on Thursday evening. I’ll be in the member’s bar, so you can meet me there and we can talk about the cuts to Ucleon's funding. Bring your statistics and any other relevant information that can back up your argument.”

You gave him a hum of agreement as you continued to gather your things. He leisurely strolled towards the door, pausing with his hand on the doorknob. “Oh, and Y/N?”

“What?” you snapped, looking at him again.

“I wanted to answer your question from earlier,” he smirked when he saw the puzzled expression on your face, “I actually sleep rather well and always in the nude.”

Your eyes widened and your jaw hit the floor in shock. His comment had caught you off guard. Kylo flashed you a cheeky grin, his eyelid dropping into a wink as he left your office, shutting the door softly behind him.

Damn, that man was going to be the death of you. 


	3. High Horse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMUT. SMUT. SMUT. SMUT. SMUT. SMUT. SMUT. EVERYBODY!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There be poorly written smut ahead. Also, I haven't checked this for mistakes because its late so if you see any typos, hit me up! Also I have a [tumblr](http://themysscira.tumblr.com/) so feel free to message me there!

“Struggling?”

You paused, wrestling to keep a hold of the folders in your arms as you made the walk up the final flight of stairs towards your office. There were no prizes for guessing who that low voice belonged to. Glancing over your shoulder, your eyes met those of Kylo Ren. He was leaning against the bannister, a small smile of his amusement on his lips.

“Nope,” you muttered through gritted teeth, your arms beginning to ache, “Just swell.”

Continuing to climb up the steps, you tripped on the last one, sending sheets of paper flying everywhere. Before you could gather them, Kylo raced ahead of you. Had it been anyone else coming to your rescue, you would’ve thanked them. Yet, just being around Kylo infuriated you… for a multitude of reasons. Of course, there was the issue of his party cutting your constituency’s benefits. But since Hux’s jest about Ren in his training shorts paired with that crude remark Ren had made a few days ago about nude slumbering, you were also beginning to think of the man in a totally different way. A way that displeased you greatly.

He carried your files to your office for you, placing them on your desk. All you could do was meekly follow behind him as your colleagues flashed inquisitive glances your way. You shut your door immediately to keep them from prying.

Kylo folded his arms across his chest, “I’m no expert, but I think the polite thing to do in this scenario is to say ‘thank you’.”

“I didn’t need your help,” you grumbled.

“I was being a gentleman,” he replied.

You shook your head, “Gentlemen help out the destitute and suffering. They don’t cut their benefits, forcing them into a life of extreme poverty!”

Seeing the look of surprise on Ren’s face at your comeback, you grinned. He didn’t expect a political argument this early in the morning, but you were always ready. Most of your free time was spent worrying about your constituency. Your whole day was going to be dedicated to replying to those raging e-mails about their menial everyday problems, but you knew the biggest threat to them would be these cuts and you needed to get it solved. And giving into his charm would not be the way to do so.

You sat down, glancing up at the man. He was exceptionally tall. The height difference between the two of you was bad enough when you were standing. Now, sitting down, he loomed over you. Despite your fiery response, the imbalance of power had never been more evident. His party were in government, he was a junior minister, the future of your constituents rested in his large hands. _God, they were huge._ _No! Stop it!_ The idea half made you want to fight back against the patriarchy, but also instilled shame at the fact that you found Ren being in a far more dominant position than yourself quite attractive. You definitely could not be thinking of him like that.

“Are you going to stand there all day? I assume you do have actual work to do…” You snapped, breaking the silence.

He scanned the room, still stunned at the mess of your office in comparison to his. He was a neat freak, but your small office space was cramped. Clutters of boxes and folders covering the floor as the shelves and filing cabinets were already overflowing.

“How do you manage to work in here?” he asked.

“I don’t know, Ren,” you sighed, keeping in politician mode, “How do people work on the measly minimum wage the First Order have set? How do people manage to juggle two or three jobs and still not be able to afford all their bills because your party continues to cut any support lifelines in place to help them? What we do, it’s nothing compared to what they do.”

Kylo rolled his eyes, taking a seat across from you. He stretched out his legs on your desk, his huge feet knocking over a stack of paper onto the floor beside you. He smirked, uttering a weak apology, playing it off as an accident when you both knew full well he did that on purpose to spite you.

“Do you always do that?”

“Do what?”

“Turn every sentence someone says into a recount about the struggle of the working class. You know that I was asking how you’re able to get anything done in such a messy workspace.”

The thing was, you did do that whenever you were around pricks like him who didn’t understand what it was like to grow up poor and not have your parents’ wealth and name buy you anything you wanted. He had it so much easier being a Solo. Yet, he resented it and chose a political career at the dark side over one at the Resistance. You had to admit you were a tad jealous of him even if he was an asshole. “A lot of people would kill to have my wage, Ren.”

Also, staying in work mode was vital to you around him. You needed to keep your mind on the politics, on Ucleon. Otherwise you’d start to think terribly inappropriate things.

You shoved the file you’d been so desperate to show him for weeks in his face, “Here. It’s full of testaments and statistics to prove that these benefits are vital to Ucleon and if you cut them, then it would be the end of that constituency.”

He took the file and balanced it on his knee as he began to flick through it, nodding with agreement or raising an eyebrow as he went. “It’s compelling, but I don’t know whether Minister Snoke will buy it.”

“What do you mean? You said it yourself, it’s convincing!”

“And it is, Y/N,” he hesitated slightly, not knowing whether or not to share this bit of information with you, his political enemy. He saw the rather furious scowl on your face and against his better judgement, he proceeded, “Look. You didn’t hear it from me, but Snoke’s not sure Ucleon’s worth keeping around.”

You were even more perplexed than before, not quite catching his drift. What could he possibly mean?

Kylo sighed, sugarcoating it wouldn’t work, “He’s thinking of getting rid of Ucleon. I don’t know how, but I imagine it won’t be pretty for you or your constituents. He really is considering _ending_ your constituency.”

“Well, Minister Snoke can go fuck himself if he thinks I’m letting him commit genocide!” you spat.

“Look, have you tried getting businesses, either local or from other Resistance constituencies, to see if they can sponsor those in desperate need,” You could tell he really was trying to help you, but he’d caught you off guard with the admission that the First Order was contemplating wiping your constituency off the map. He continued, “If Ucleon starts looking like a profitable society and Snoke can see other constituencies are willing to fight for it then maybe he’ll reconsider?”

You met his query with a sarcastic laugh, “What businesses? Your party demolished them years ago. Granted, the Resistance didn’t do enough to rebuild them, but these benefits gave them hope of a better future. Something your party wants to cruelly snatch away from them.”

You really weren’t one to beg, but knowing thousands of lives were at stake, you were just about willing to do anything to save them. “Please, Ren. You have to convince Snoke.”

“I can try my best, I’ll give him the file and—”

“I don’t want to turn this into a First Order press show, but come to Ucleon,” you suggested, “If you visit the community, you’ll have a first-hand account to give to Snoke of the dire situation and how benefits have and can further improve these people’s lives.”

Kylo had to admire your passion. Not many people would be willing to take on a fight against him, let alone Snoke, but here you were. God, if you weren’t the opposition…

“Sure,” he gave you a lopsided smile and you knew he meant well, “If Ucleon’s citizens make you so passionate that you’re on verge of tears, I should like to meet them.”

You blushed slightly causing you to realise that you were beginning to let your guard slip. You were falling into Kylo Ren’s perfect little trap. He was the enemy. He’s part of the First Order. He's part of the group of monsters considering killing you and your people. They were his colleagues, his friends. What did that make him? How could you be so foolish to think he cared? He was just humouring you, wasn’t he? Like you’d asked him to.

“I do this job to fight for those who can’t speak up,” you straightened in your seat, switching back into political mode, “It’s why we do this, isn’t it? I come from Ucleon and I’m proud to represent it. People like you are just given a safe seat because of who your mummy and daddy are.”

Kylo raised an eyebrow, shaking his head in disbelief at your misinformed insult. He threw the file back on the desk and leaned towards you, “God, you really do love getting up your high horse, don’t you?”

You mirrored his position. Your faces were now millimeters apart as you stared one another out.

“I would rather be up on my high horse than live a life ignorant to the struggles of those less fortunate and make their lives a living hell, watching as they grow poorer while I sit in an ivory tower!”

The tension in the room was palpable. Each of you glaring at the other, fighting both your opposing corners. You smirked at him and in that moment, Kylo swore that he’d never wanted anyone more than he did you. None of the other women he’d crossed swords with in parliament had your tenacity, your spark. They were weak willed, they gave in, let him win. You, on the other hand, you fought dirty.

“Your attractive when you’re angry,” he whispered in admiration. Before you could answer, he cupped your face and planted a forceful kiss upon your lips.

You don’t know what horrified you more. The fact that Kylo Ren was kissing you, or the fact that you liked it. In fact, you felt sheer relief that the pair of you were finally resolving the tension that had been accumulating over the past few days.

“You’re so obnoxious, I should report you. You’re…” your sentence trailed off as you grabbed his dark grey tie, returning the kiss with equal, messy ferocity.

“If you tell anyone about this, I swear…” Ren panted between frenzied kisses.

“Why would I… ever tell someone about this?” You spoke angrily between each kiss, “You’re everything I despise. You’re an entitled…. upper class… child. I find you… nauseating.”

The books and papers that cluttered your desk were now scattered to the floor as you pushed them aside without a care. In your head, you silently cursed Hux for planting the seed of attraction towards Ren in your head. But what had sweetened the idea of getting it on with Ren had been the fact that he’d told you precious First Order intel. The man was willing to risk his job to help you with your case. And then there was something about that devilish glint in his eye when he had accused you of being on your high horse that set you off. You simultaneously admired and despised him, if that was even possible.

“Well, you’re everything I hate too,” he retorted with a snarl, lifting you up effortlessly and placing you on the desk. A low grown escaped his lips when he hitched up your skirt, his eyes admiring the lace of your stockings, “You are… You’re Resistance scum. You’re a socialist who makes ridiculous and inaccurate assumptions of my party based on our class…”

“Oh,” you chuckled darkly, sliding his black blazer from his shoulders. It joined the mess of paper and folders on the floor. “That’s rich coming from Han and Leia’s son! You hardly had to fight tooth and nail, Ren.”

“You want to go back to the good old days when the Resistance were in charge and there wasn’t a care in the world, right?” He unbuttoned your blouse, revealing your breasts. He stared at you with his intense brown eyes, his arms firmly on the desk either side of your spread thighs. Your head went dizzy at the sight. “Your party spent twelve years out of power because you were reckless with your spending. Just wanted everyone to be happy and equal and we had to clean up that mess!”

“And then we spent twenty years in power cleaning up the further mess that the First Order left behind. How do you feel about all those casualties, Ren? I think the number was in the millions…”

He ignored your jibe at the mention of the high death toll that occurred at the hands of the previous First Order government and pressed on, “But look who’s back in power now having to financially stabilise the planet!”

“For people like you, who already have an astronomical bank balance,” you took hold of his tie again, pulling him in closer, “Can we please just get this over with and fuck already?”

“Fucking me won’t save your constituency.”

“Please, is that the kind of girl you think I am?” you scoffed, “No, Ren, I’m fucking you because I want to fuck you. It’s pure politics.”

Your lips crashed together, you fumbling with the belt of his suit. His fingernails dug into your thighs as he pulled you to the edge of the desk. He leaned you back into a pile of history books which toppled over into the sea of folders, papers and discarded clothing on the floor as a result.

Kylo’s hands slid up your skirt as he tugged at your panties. You both heard the lace rip and you pulled away to shoot him a glare full of fury, “Bastard! Do you know much that cost?”

“I don’t,” he sneered at you, an edge of amusement in his voice, “Mummy and daddy never really taught me the value of money. I’ve got an astronomical bank account, remember?”

Your rolled your eyes and he laughed, “So, you're a lace girl. Who would’ve thought someone so moralistic would have such sinful, yet elegant taste in undergarments?”

“This isn’t _The Handmaid’s Tale_ , Ren,” you pulled down his trousers and briefs, “Do you believe I wear a hair-shirt underneath my clothes to remind myself of the plight of past generations?”

You ran a finger along the length of his hardness, the two of you never breaking eye contact. Your pupils filled with a combination of spite and lust. “Shall we get to it?”

Initially, neither of you could stand to look at the other. Your heads buried in the crook of one another’s neck as you both kept your eyes screwed shut. With every thrust, you found yourself inwardly apologising to your party and your constituents. You felt like were letting everyone on your side down, but it was just sex, right? Nothing more. Constituents be damned, you had needs like they all did. This was just plain and simple fucking. The more you repeated that to yourself, the easier it was to let go.

You made the first bold move, wrapping your arms around Kylo’s neck and kissing him with great fervor. In response, he grabbed your hips and tilted them so that he hit that one spot that caused you to moan. He playfully shushed you.

“Enjoying yourself?” he cheekily grinned between kisses.

You resisted the urge to roll your eyes again, you did far too much of that these days and mostly because of him. You nodded, mumbling an answer of contentment.

Kylo’s lips devoured you. His mouth tracing every inch of you. Your collarbone, your jawline. You leant back further into the desk, making a show of jutting your breasts out towards him and he bestowed attention upon them in return.

You had the overwhelming urge to scream out his name. While it wouldn’t have been an unusual occurrence to yell out Kylo’s name given how infuriated you had been with him and his party recently, you were sure that anyone who happened to walk by your office would know it was out of pleasure. Your hands clumsily searched your desk in an attempt to find something that would serve as a makeshift gag.

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes again, but this time it was out of irony. The first thing you’d picked up to silence yourself was a Resistance Party conference pen. A bold ‘Thank you for all the hard work you do’ monogrammed onto the side. How poetic. Throwing the pen over your shoulder, you grabbed Kylo by the collar and pulled him in for another kiss to muffle your groans as you both came.

The pair of you remained in position for a few moments. You sat up slightly, wincing as you felt some of his liquid leak onto your thighs and out onto the desk. At this, you buried your face in your hands. You were partly ashamed for giving into your desire and discarding any thought of Ucleon’s struggle, but also because you know you'd do it all again.

Kylo cleared his throat as he broke away from you, tucking his shirt back into his trousers and straightening his tie. This was possibly the first time you’d ever truly seen him at a loss for words, the cool and confident façade was gone. Now, stood a rather awkward and confused giant.

“What do you uh… Do you want these?” he asked, turning to face you as he held up your torn lace underwear.

“Keep them, they’re of no use to me now,” you muttered bitterly, still conflicted about how you felt, “Go take them back to your base. You can wave them in the air as some of sort of trophy as you tell all your First Order pals about how you livened up the tough, little Resistance girl.” 

He frowned, but stuffed your panties in his back trouser pocket nonetheless. “You really think that poorly of me? Still?”

You slid off your desk, pulling down your skirt. You were unable to look him in the eye as you started to clean the mess on your thighs before tidying the floor, picking up the strewn books and paper. “You know exactly what I think of you, Ren.”

“Here you go,” You handed him his blazer along with the Ulceon file and he smiled weakly in return, trying to hide his disappointment at being kicked out so soon.

He watched as you redid the buttons on your blouse, tucking your hair behind your ears in an effort look presentable. You glanced at him from the corner of your eye and he looked away, turning his attention to the carpet. You forced a grin, but your voice was flat, “I’ll call you at the end of the week for any updates on your decision about Ucleon.”

“Can I have your number?” he blurted out. You could tell by the way he cringed at his own words that he wasn’t used to this, getting the boot so quickly after making a girl cum. You expected the other ladies fawned over him, held onto him tight as he wrapped his strong arms around them. You were sure they practically threw their numbers at him wherever he went, they probably even waited by the phone for him to call. He probably never did. In your head, he was the type to do exactly that.

“Um, you can reach me by the office extension seven-six-four—”

“You know what I meant, why are you being like this?”

You walked towards the door, opening it with a sigh. You cocked your head towards the exit and he reluctantly obeyed.

“Goodbye, Ren,” you say with a small smile, shutting the door in his face before he had time to even reply. You knew it was cold, you just didn’t want him to worm his way into your heart which you knew would happen if you let him stay.

No, you had to keep him at arm’s length and do right by your constituents and Poe. Poe took a chance on you and here you are practically throwing it back in his face by fraternising with the enemy. If word got out, if Poe found out, it’d reflect so badly on him and the party. Not only would you lose your job and be a disgraced politician, but the Resistance’s credibility would be questioned by the public.

You prayed Kylo would be discreet. After all, his job would be on the line too. Granted, he didn’t have as much to lose as you. He was a man, they get away with these things. Yet, he also had the Solo name to uphold him. The man literally turned to the dark and inhumane side of politics probably to spite his parents, yet the voters still came out behind him in full force because they loved Han and Leia.

As you looked up making a silent prayer for you, your job and Ucleon’s future, your eyes landed on the signed framed picture of General Organa that you had on your shelf. You inwardly groaned. How humiliating, you’d fucked Ren under the watchful gaze of his mother. Even if it was just a photograph, it didn’t change how suddenly uncomfortable you felt in your office. As if there was another presence.

“Sorry, you had to see that, Leia.” You sighed, picking up the picture frame and facing it downwards so you no longer felt like she was judging you. You reached behind where the frame had been and pulled out your the bottle of red wine you kept stashed there. Pouring yourself a glass full to the brim, you plopped back in your chair. It was going to be a long day.


	4. The Green-Eyed Monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd because I'm a lazy pos (let me know if my tired self has made typos!) BUT smutty times ahead! Also, thanks to everyone who has given this kudos and taken the time to comment!

There was a cacophony of roaring cheers and equally loud jeers that filled the house. You remain seated, wedged between Poe and Rey with stoic expressions as your fellow Resistance members rushed to cast their vote on the bill.

Your gaze was firmly fixed on Kylo who was sat on a bench on the opposite side of the chamber chatting happily to his First Order friends. It had been a week since the encounter in your office and just the mention of his name around the Resistance base was enough to make your cheeks heat up. Now, being in the same room as him, was becoming increasingly hard to bear. The events played out in your head. How good he had felt, how abruptly you had chucked him out afterwards. Gosh, did he think you had slept with him for sake of saving Ucleon?

Any sort of connection with Ren was dangerous for your reputation, you just hoped that he’d made good on his word and not told any of his dark side pals.

Memories of what had transpired in your office last week flashed briefly in your brain and you brought your thighs together in an attempt to stifle the warm feeling building in the pit of your stomach.

You watched as he sauntered down the steps, stopping to talk to a tall blonde woman. You’d seen her around before. Government gossip had told you that she joined the First Order a few months ago as a spin doctor. She was notorious for frequenting the member’s bar and heading home with several of the First Order’s higher, and sometimes married, officials. Fitting, considering it was her job to cover up any of the First Order’s unfavorable habits from the press.

Ren enveloped her in a hug, smiling widely as they shared a friendly exchange. She laughed loudly at something he said, her hand clasping his bicep through his suit. You tore your eyes away at that action and attempted to fix your attention on whatever topic Poe and Rey were so engrossed in talking about.

Another deafening laugh from the woman had you involuntarily clenching your fists in annoyance as you tried your best to distract yourself with the conversation happening next to you. It wasn’t working, however, and you spared a small glance Kylo’s way.

He was saying goodbye to her now, his arms finding their way around her waist in a parting hug. Over her shoulder, he looked up at you. The ends of his lips curled up smugly as he caught your eye, winking at you. It should’ve made your skin crawl, but it did the opposite. You could just picture the self-congratulatory grin on his stupid face as he left the blonde’s side, making his way to the voting lobby. How you hated that man… and how you wanted him.

Rey nudging your side snapped you out of your thoughts, “Hey! Did Ren just wink at you?”

You scoffed theatrically, “Ugh! No way, he’ll have been winking at---” Your brain, fried from Kylo’s suggestive wink, frantically scrambled for a name. It settled on the first one to come to mind, the person sitting just within your peripheral vision. “Finn.”

Crap.

Rey’s eyes nearly popped out of their sockets, “Wait… Finn? Is Ren…?”

“It’s 2017, Rey, isn’t everyone?” you chuckled uneasily. Hurriedly, you stood up and made your way towards the voting chamber.

As you walked away you could hear Rey turn to an oblivious Finn.

“Did you know that Kylo Ren fancies you?”

Finn sounded as baffled as Rey, “What?”

***

“I hate you.” You muttered through gritted teeth as you and Poe strolled around the hall packed with fellow Resistance members.

Leia was launching a new tell-all novel about her time in politics and he had insisted that you come along. Any kind of non-government event that required socialising and small-talk was your worst nightmare, but a party that held the chance of bumping into Kylo Ren was most certainly hell. Sure, he had renounced his Solo ties when he joined the First Order, but he was bound to be in attendance.

Poe flagged down the waiter, handing you a glass of wine, “Look, I know you dislike her son and find him insufferable, but I thought you’d be delighted. Leia being such a hero of yours and all.”

He was right. You were beyond excited to meet her. She had led the way for strong and brave women to conquer any career they wanted, politics or not, and had been a big inspiration to your younger self. It was just the thought of running into her tall, raven haired ass of a child that put you on edge.

“Oh, speak of the devil!” mumbled Poe. You downed your glass of red, following his line of sight. Your stomach lurched.

There he was. He was working the circuit, shaking people’s hands and making polite conversation. Somehow you couldn’t help but think of what an excellent Resistance politician he’d have made. Dark side or not, he had a charming way of making people love him. Hell, everyone in this room fought for the opposition and even they were falling at his feet.

“Want to go and say hi?”

Shooting Poe an icy glare, you shook your head, “Please, I’d rather stab myself in the eyes with a fork.”

You watched Kylo feign fascination at the issue the old gentlemen surrounding him were babbling on about. He nodded his head at the correct points, his full lips stretching into a polite grin. Your knees went weak at the deep laugh of his that he let out whenever the men made a jab at the First Order, clearly forgetting Kylo was the political enemy.

The black tuxedo and white dress shirt combo he’d opted for tonight certainly wasn’t helping the situation. God, you wished he wasn’t so attractive. Being repulsed by him would’ve been a lot easier.

You’d never understood the notion of feeling butterflies in your belly before, but when he sent a small smile your way from across the room, you could swear you felt your insides do somersaults. Before you could fall even more, you reminded yourself of this morning in the Commons chamber.

There was no denying the pang of envy you felt seeing him with that blonde. You don’t know why. It’s not like you and Kylo had any feasible chance of being a serious thing. It was just sex the one time. It was the wink which had sparked your fury. If that motherfucker thought he could make you jealous, he had another thing coming. Two can play at the game.

You turned to Poe, “Hey, you want to go over to the bar and get more drinks?”

“Why not. The wine being served isn’t giving me a buzz yet.”

Elated at his reply, you took him by the hand and dragged him towards the bar at the back of the room. You shot a glance over your shoulder seeing Kylo’s eyes fixed you on and Poe.

The bartender handed the pair of you a small shot glass each, “Every guest gets a complimentary blowjob shot. General’s orders.”

Poe chuckled, shaking his head as he studied the cocktail. “Jesus, Leia.”

“Hey, she’s not my hero for nothing,” you laughed in response taking the glass and chugging it back much to Poe’s disapproval.

He waved his arms in the air, “Hey, hey, hey! What are you doing? That’s not how it’s meant to be consumed.”

“Oh, really?” You raised an eyebrow, cackling loudly as Poe brought his shot to his crotch and looked up at you with a smirk. “Oh, no, no, no. We are not turning this book launch into an episode of Girls Gone Wild.”

“Hands behind your back,” he teased and you giggled obeying his command. As you leant forward to take the shot, your face dangerously close to Poe’s lap, you were aware of Kylo’s eyes watching you, fixated on every move you made.

You risked a sneaky look in his direction. Sure enough, his dark pupils were trained on the promiscuous position you were in with your superior. There was a hardness to his gaze as if he was warning you.

Grabbing the shot glass in your mouth and tilting your head back allowing the Bailey’s concoction to glide smoothly down your throat, you maintained eye contact with Kylo. You had completely forgotten Poe in front of you who was howling and clapping his hands in amusement.

Kylo’s lips parted slightly, his eyes wide. He brought his hand up to the collar of shirt, tugging it slightly to get some air. You heard one of the old men ask him if he was unwell to which he managed an embarrassed laugh, shaking his head. Mission completed.

“Oh, um…” Poe interrupted your silent triumph, bringing you back to the awkward reality. He motioned your lip, “You’ve got some..uh..”

You brought your hand to your top lip, feeling the whipped cream residue of the cocktail that had gathered there. “Shit. I’m going to go the bathroom to uh, re-apply my lipstick. I’ll be right back.”

Poe nodded and you leapt off the stool quickly, your cheeks a rosy red. It was going to be terribly uncomfortable in the office tomorrow when you’d both sobered up. You stumbled in search of the bathroom, completely unaware of the tall figure following closely behind you.  
  
Once inside the bathroom, you let out a loud sigh. Your hands bracing yourself against the sink as you stared at your disheveled lipstick in the mirror. Why had you done that? Poe was your superior. It was completely inappropriate. Not to mention that you didn’t even like him like that. Sure, he was handsome, but Poe was like a father figure to you and you’d just ruined all of that for the sake of giving Kylo Ren a taste of his own medicine.

He was the enemy. Why did he even matter?

Touching up your lipstick, you took another deep breath, mentally preparing yourself for returning to the party. As you reached for the doorknob, the door burst open. Kylo came bounding in, walking towards you until he had you backed up against the wall.

“Well, isn’t this a bit of situation,” he whispered lowly, the sarcasm and spite dripping from his words. His fingers danced up the sides of your thighs, hands kneading your flesh.

“Kylo, don’t.” You mumbled, feebly trying to wriggle your way out of his grip, but he pushed you back against the wall with his hips.

He brought up his right hand to your jaw, firmly guiding your face upwards to force eye contact, “What? You think I’m going to let you off that easily? After you throw me out of your office last week and then tonight, I have to witness you act like such a harlot with that Resistance idiot.”

“Poe’s not—”

“Shut up,” he spat, his booming baritone voice echoed around the room, “Was I not good enough for you? You think you could just treat me like I’m nothing after all I was willing to do for your constituency. After what we did!”

He was wounded by your actions, the fury blazing in his eyes. You’d witnessed Kylo angry before. In heated debates with your party, or sometimes with his own critics within the First Order, where he was desperate to prove all the naysayers wrong. He had always been like that, a little defensive about his position, determined to prove that he could handle his own in the game. That he wasn’t just riding off the coattails of his parents. His anger intrigued you. There was clearly bad blood with his parents. Otherwise, why would he reject them? But he’d shown up tonight to support his mother. Strange. The whole dynamic made you curious.

“You thought you could have your fun? Make me jealous?” he bellowed. His towering figure looming over your dainty frame made your head swim, “I’m not going to be gentle and polite like your beloved Dameron.”

“He’s not my—”

Kylo rolled his eyes, “You’re not very good at keeping quiet. Don’t worry, you’ll be screaming soon enough because I’m not going to kiss you softly like those Resistance whimps. No, I’ll show you how we deal with those who misbehave at the First Order.”

He roughly grabbed your hips with his hands, grinding your core down onto the prominent bulge in his black trousers. You moaned softly in response. His eyes were trained on you, watching you bite your lip in an attempt to stop the noises threatening to spill. The last thing you needed was getting caught in flagrante with Leia’s son at her book launch.

“Oh, now you want to be silent, little one?” he jeered, his calloused fingers slipping underneath your red dress, “Say it. Tell me what you want. Is it him? Is it Dameron?”

Innocently, you peered up at him through your lashes, “No.”

“No, what?”

His hand wriggled into your underwear, spreading your lips. His fingers danced around your opening, gathering the wetness there and dragging it towards your clit. He rubbed you in slow circles, his eyes boring into you the entire time. He snarled, “No, _what_ , Y/N?”

“No, I don’t want Dameron--Oh god,” you whimpered, jutting your hips up into his hand, trying to get him to move faster, “I want you, Ren. I need you. Now.”

He growled at your words, throwing his suit blazer on the floor and pushing his trousers down to his ankles. Your legs wrapped themselves around his waist as he teased your wetness with his cock, “You’re mine, Y/N. Do you understand that? I don’t share.”

“Yes, I understand,” you panted, “I’m yours.”

“Good girl,” Kylo praised, stroking your jawline tenderly. A wolfish grin found its way onto his lips as you bury your face in his neck in frustration, “Face the mirror. Hands on the sink.”

You complied instantly, breathlessly staring at his reflection in the mirror as you waited for him to make a move. You watched as he stalked behind you, fisting your hair in his hands holding you firmly in place.

He leaned his large body over yours, his white shirt brushing against your ass he placed chaste kisses on your spine.

“Look at you like this. All the things I could do to you,” he grunted, his hands coming down on your ass. The sound of the smack reverberating in the room. He rubbed your reddening flesh soothingly. “Spread your legs.”

He hummed in approval when you obeyed his commands. “When I’m done with you, you won’t even remember Dameron’s name.”

“How can I forget if you keep bringing him up?” you cheekily retort.

Kylo spanked you again, this time with more force and you gasped. It didn’t deter you from trying to take control, lifting your hips and rubbing your backside against his hardness earning you a pleased groan.

He lifted your legs up, his cock sliding between your folds. The pair of you let out a sigh of relief once he was finally sheathed in your wetness. He stretched you so deliciously that it was almost painful. God, how had you gone a week without doing this again?

One of his hands slid up your front, cupping your breast, “You think he can fuck you like this? No, that’s my job.”

“Actually, your job is to ensure my constituency get there benefits and don’t di—”

He pressed his index finger briefly to your lip, “Shush.”

Wrapping his arms around you, he lifted you up again to change positions. He propped your back against the cool glass of the mirror, your backside on the edge of the sink as he anchored you back onto his cock.

One hand slapped your ass again while the other found it way around your throat. “Come on, show me how much you want this.”

Your hands gripped his shoulders as you rocked your hips. It was purely carnal now. Obscene slick sounds filling the room as your cunt clenched around him.

You whimpered as he sped up even more, both of you gasping when he hit that spot inside of you that made you tighten your walls around him.

“You’re going to remember who this body belongs to now, won’t you?” he yelled as you come around him with a loud scream.

Huffing between thrusts, he whispered darkly, “You’re my girl. That Resistance scum will never come close to how I make you feel.”

As you came down from your high, he pulled out of you. You scrambled to your knees in front of him. Thanking the stars for the plush rug that would make this a lot comfier as you took him into your mouth.

“Go on, give me a show. Do me like you would’ve done Damer—”

Groaning in vexation, you removed your mouth from him with a loud pop, “Alright, that’s enough!”

Kylo blinked, frowning at you with confusion, “Wha—What?”

“Enough with all that Dameron shit, Ren. You know what, you have no right to be mad at me for that!”

“You were practically—”

You cut him off again, any bliss from your high evaporating with the anger that was beginning to boil. “Practically, what? It was the drink, Ren, that’s how their consumed.”

“Any excuse,” his words were bitter.

“What about you? And that girl,” he looked completely bewildered and you rolled your eyes. On the one hand, him forgetting about the pretty spin doctor made you feel satisfied that she clearly hadn’t meant much to him. However, the reminder of his hands on her waist caused the green-eyed monster to resurface. There was no way he could chastise you for Poe when he started it. “The blonde, Ren.”

“Oh, her,” he replied with indifference, “She meant nothing. We hugged, I didn't have my face in her crotch! Not like you and Dameron!”

“Stop it, it didn't look like nothing to me.”

“You were jealous!” he sounded surprised, “Here I was thinking you were above that.”

“I was not jealous.”

“Yes, you were,” he stated matter-of-factly. The sight of his tall frame standing over you with only a dress shirt to clothe him while his trousers and pants were bunched up against his ankles no longer felt sexy, it felt silly. He scratched his head, shaking his black hair out of his eyes, “Are we going to finish this or?”

“No,” you sighed, slumping against the sink, your warm back hitting the cool marble.

You could see the hurt in his eyes at practically being pushed out again. Like last time, he just nodded. He didn’t protest, didn’t try to argue his side. He should’ve done, you thought. You were a prized twat for doing this to him.

Pulling up his trousers, he picked up his blazer and attempted to straighten his appearance. “Your still mine,” his tone was monotonous, but there was a teasing glint in his eye, “I mean, it, I don’t want you fucking Dameron.”

“Believe me, I won’t,” you chuckled lightly, “It’s going to be bad enough facing him now and coming up with an excuse as to where I’ve been.”

He laughed, turning to leave. Your heart clenched in your chest. You were the worst human being alive. “Wait! Kylo—”

He paused, “Huh. You’ve never called me Kylo before.”

You furrowed your brows and he shook his head, “It’s nothing. I mean I’m probably reading too much into it, but it’s just you always called me Ren. Well, that or ‘insufferable asshole’.”

It was your turn to laugh. You smiled up at him and he returned it. It was gentle and sweet considering your earlier rough rendezvous and you leaving him high and dry. Any other man, First Order or not, would be cursing your name. Not him. He really would’ve made an excellent Resistance politician in another lifetime.

“We’ll finish this up next time.”

“So, there’s going to be a next time?” he beamed, his eyes lighting up like a child on Christmas morning, “I’ll hold you to that, Miss Resistance.”

“Yes, and preferably not when we’re discussing the life and death of my constituents or at your mother’s book launch,” you reply, “You really know how to pick an occasion.”

He ran his hand through his hair, “Speaking of my mother, she’s probably looking for me—”

“Go!” you laughed, pointing to the door, “I really am sorry, _Kylo_.”

“Don’t be, the moment’s gone anyway,” he shrugged, “But you’re mine, remember that!”

You rolled your eyes playfully, standing up and shoving him towards the door, “Whatever, Ren.”

He planted a kiss on your lips as he opened the door to leave. The pair of you break apart when you hear the sound of someone clearing their throat.

Both of your eyes grow wide when you see who it is. Kylo steps in front of you defensively, but it’s too late. They’ve already seen you.

Peeping from behind Kylo’s shoulder, your eyes meet the person standing in the doorway.

“Well, I think we need to talk, Y/N.”

Poe’s stern glare caused you to shrink back behind Kylo. What another fine mess you’d gotten yourself into.


	5. Those Who I Shouldn't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know the drill, smut ahead. let me know if there are any errors. thank you for reading!

“What the hell were you thinking?”

Your meeting with Poe after he caught you and Kylo went about as awful as you had expected it to. Your answer to his question: you weren’t thinking. Not at all. If word had gotten out, you knew just how drastic the repercussions would be. You’d be disgraced and the Resistance’s reputation sullied all for a quick fuck with Kylo Ren.

“I don’t want to do this, but you know the rules. Fraternising with the enemy comes with a suspension.”

Your heart stopped. What would you tell your parents? That you’d carelessly thrown away all your hopes and dreams because Kylo Ren had made you weak at the knees. They were so proud of your political career and you’d compromised it for a man who likely didn’t care for you anyway. And then there was your constituency. You’d have to admit to Ucleon that you’d shamefully bedded a member of the party planning to destroy their town for good, let alone force them all into poverty.

“Please, don’t,” Your voice croaked, begging was beginning to become a regular occurrence in out and of the bedroom, “I won’t have relations with Ren again. It was a mistake and I know that.”

“I should suspend you,” Poe sighed, “But Ren had a word with me while you cleaned yourself up. Said he manipulated you. He claims he told you he’d help your constituency if you slept with him.”

You frowned. Why was Kylo protecting you? It was as much your fault as it was his. Regardless, you knew that he wouldn’t lose his career over it if people found out. He’d likely be heralded by all his mates for ‘infiltrating’ the Resistance. Members of the First Order had done much worse.

You opened your mouth to testify again Ren’s comments, but Poe silenced you, “I don’t care if it’s true. You’re a promising politician, Y/N, and your resilience in fighting for your constituents is unparalleled. That’s why I’m choosing to ignore what happened and we’ll breathe no word of this to anyone else in the Resistance.”

“Thank you—”

“Make no mistake, Y/N. Whatever your relationship with Ren is, I suggest you cease it and go about ensuring Ucleon’s benefits professionally. If your relations with Ren get out to the press, I can’t protect you.”

Nodding, you relaxed in the chair. You could’ve fainted from sheer relief. “I understand, Poe. I won’t let you down.”

***

“You can leave now if you like. Y/N is my last appointment for the day and I have a lot to go through with her,” Kylo flashed a charming smile at his receptionist who was gazing at him in a way that one would describe as akin to that of a teenager fawning over a pop star. “Don’t wait around, I don’t know when this appointment will finish. Please alert other members that I’m not be disturbed.”

His secretary grinned, gathering her things before giving you a cold stare on the way out. You rolled her eyes at her ridiculousness. She could have him. You and Ren were strictly professional…now.

Following Kylo into his office, your attention is immediately focused on the wall. You noted that instead of the dire watercolours that had hung there previously, a poster of Darth Vader now adorned the spot. You suppressed a chuckle, trying to quell the blush rising to your cheeks. He’d remembered your conversation.

“How have you been? I haven’t heard from you.”

His voice was low, wary, as he pulled a chair out and urged you to sit before sitting across from you on the other side of the desk. He was testing the waters, unsure of what the relationship between you would now be like.

 _Strictly professional_ , you reminded yourself.

“I’ve been trying to keep a low profile,” you replied curtly, “So, will Ucleon retain its funding or are you still considering mass genocide?”

Kylo seemed taken aback and perhaps disappointed by your blunt eagerness to return to political conversation, but nevertheless he played along.

He pushed a file towards you, a pensive smile on his face as he watched you pick it up and flick through it. “Unfortunately, I couldn’t get an agreement to keep the entire benefit system, but the evidence was enough to compel Snoke to put the notion of destruction on the back burner and still aid them.”

Your jaw dropped at the new figures, “You’re joking? A forty percent cut? That alienates a significant number of low income individuals and families in Ucleon. You may as well be condemning them to death by starvation!”

“Surely a forty percent cut is better than one hundred percent?” There was acid in his words. You could just imagine his inner thoughts, cursing you for being so ungrateful for what he clearly deemed a successful solution.

“I’ll need to talk with some financial experts. See if there’s any way to use the funding to ensure that people won’t be entirely impoverished.”

He nodded, “You have a Resistance council, don’t you? Surely, they can provide assistance with council grants?”

“They would have had someone’s party not frozen council tax. There’s no extra money to go towards it,” you retorted quickly. You sighed, seeing Kylo tense up at the way your voice was beginning to rise in volume. Heated debates about which party was worse had started this whole mess between you.

You sighed, leaning back a little in your chair, “Are there no loopholes in the schemes your party currently has?”

“It’s not just my party that’s responsible for the changes we had to make to your party’s careless overspending,” he complained, “The Order has a confidence and supply agreement with other parties and we had to take into account their suggestions.”

“Oh, come on! We all know those other parties mean nothing,” you snapped, laughing at the idea that Kylo was trying to pawn off the entire blame on the minor parties that had agreed to assist the First Order. “They only agreed to team up with the First Order so they could have a taste of what it feels like to have a fraction of control. A taste of profit and power is enough to make them forget their principles or the fact that their constituencies were in Ucleon’s position not too long ago.”

Kylo let out an amused chuckle, folding his arms across his chest. “You know, that’s rich coming from the girl who dropped her principles as quick as her knickers when she had me in not just her office, but my own mother’s bathroom.”

Oh, how you wanted to smack the smirk off his face. He was taunting you. Trying to break your professional front by being infuriating. He loved it when you were mad and defensive. You refused to let it happen. You couldn’t let him win. You’d promised Poe that you’d keep it business related with Ren. Surely, you couldn’t let him break your resolve this easily.

“You’re disgusting!”

You stood up, biting your lip as you glared at him in effort to refrain from letting the anger spill out and cause you to say something you regret. You were astonished by the sheer nerve of him. You should have expected it, really. He was a part of the First Order. Arrogance was practically a requirement in their politicians.

Yet, what you hated the most was the fact that his repulsive and extremely offensive words only intensified your attraction to him.

 _Strictly professional. That’s it._ Turning, you began to make your way towards the door refusing to remain in his office a minute longer. It was too dangerous.

Just when you thought you were free, Kylo grasped your wrist. His hard eyes softening as he looked at you. His voice a deep whisper. “Stay.”

Reluctantly, and perhaps foolishly, you found yourself pushing past him and returning to the seat. Him following closely behind, sitting back into his leather chair and swivelling from side to side as he watched you intently.

“My party may have dropped their principles, but I never have,” your blood was boiling in your veins, the anger bubbling beneath your skin, “And I certainly didn’t drop my knickers. If I remember correctly, you tore them. The only principle that matters in a sexual relationship is that both adults are consenting and I believe that was the case in both occasions.”

Kylo raised his eyebrows, smirking, “A sexual relationship?”

“I meant sexual _encounter._ ”

You could feel the air sizzle with forbidden tension and excitement. Kylo rolled his seat closer to the desk, elbows leaning on the wood as he leaned closer to you. His gaze never breaking yours.

On paper, he was your enemy. A privileged First Order twat whose career was built on nepotism despite him shunning his roots. Yet, he was much more approachable than the other First Order members you’d crossed paths with. Sure, Hux was alright, but he wasn’t as captivating as Ren. Besides, Ren had managed to keep some funding for Ucleon’s benefits. He can’t be all that bad.

You edged closer to the desk, placing your hands over the file as you match his stare.

Kylo broke the silence first, “Would you like a sexual relationship with me, Miss Y/N?”

“No.” Your answer is too quick and judging by his smile, he knew you were lying.

“Why not? I’m attracted to you, you’re attracted to me---Don’t scoff! You wouldn’t have pounced on me in both your office and my mother’s bathroom if you weren’t.”

You shook your head in disbelief, “For the record, I never pounced on you, Ren. You instigated it. You were jealous of me and Poe.”

His jaw visibly clenched at the mention of that name, but he recovered rapidly. “Ah, yes. How is Dameron?”

“Peachy. He gave me an unofficial warning, but not without a threat of suspension. It felt like being scolded by my father…” You trailed off seeing the bemused smile playing on his lips, “Stop it!”

“Stop what?”

“I know you’re vile and you’re dying to make a smartass daddy kink comment, but please don’t. Spare me this once.”

He chuckled, feigning offence, “I’m hurt you expect so low of me.”

“I hardly hold the man who fucked me in his mum’s bathroom to high regard.”

“Speaking of fucking…”

“No.”

“You don’t even know what I’m going to say!”

“Ren, this ends here. Poe was very clear about what would happen if---”

He rolled his eyes, waving his hand in dismissal of Dameron’s idea of suspending you, “He’d be less keen on throwing you out if his own naughty private affairs would come to light in the process.”

You were confused. Poe was squeaky clean as far as you were considered. He was beloved by most in the party. You’d never even heard a faint whisper about any sort of scandal. “What are you implying? You’ll blackmail Poe if he tries to fire me? He’s a brilliant politician. You can’t do that. Besides, there’d be nothing to use against him.”

“You’ve really got him on a pedestal, huh? No-one’s perfect in this game, Y/N. He’s an important man with his own secrets to protect,” he huffed, “So, about us...”

“There is no us, Kylo.”

He groaned, “You won’t lose your job. I’ll make sure of it!”

“By blackmailing every politician who finds out and threatens my position?” In response, Kylo shrugged. Letting out an exasperated laugh, you shake your head, “You can’t do that for me. You’re not Resistance. You don’t need to protect me. We’re not even friends.”

“Fine, not friends. How about _enemies_ with benefits? What do you say to that?”

He really was ridiculous. Kylo took your hesitation as a sign that he was beginning to win, cracking through your oh-so-professional façade. “We’ll be more discreet this time. No fucking in my mother’s house during big Resistance parties.”

“Oh, and an office where our political colleagues can walk in and see or hear us at any moment is better?”

Instead of replying, he pushed himself from his desk, walking to the window and lowering the blinds. Returning to his seat, you stand making your way to his side of the desk. You have your back to him as you inspect the items on his desk. The novelty Vader bobble head making you laugh while Kylo ran his hands over the tight fabric of your skirt, admiring how it flattered you. His touch melted your insides, but on the outside, you remained seemingly calm. “What do you say, Y/N?”

You perched yourself on the edge of his desk, biting your lip, “Fine. As long as _he_ stops looking at me.” You looked up, pointing towards the Vader poster that stared down upon you both.

He grinned, “Well, how do you think I felt about the portrait of my mother in your office?”

“Considering how happy you were to defile me in her own bathroom, Ren, I’m going to guess that it didn’t weigh too heavily on your conscience.”

He gave you an absolutely sinful smirk as he tore the Vader post from the wall. Instantly, his fingers were back on your skirt, lifting the hem up. It was your turn to smirk, however, as you await his reaction. The cool air of his office hitting your bare skin.

Your ears were met with the satisfying sound of his breathy laugh in response to the reveal that you were wearing no underwear. “Dirty girl! Were you expecting something to happen?”

“I had hoped that reminding myself to be professional would work, but as a failsafe I removed them before I arrived. I couldn’t risk you ruining another pair.”

Kylo pushed himself against you. He nuzzled your neck, his warm breath tickling your skin. “That’s my girl, so practical. It is a shame, though, I wanted to start a collection.”

You peeked over your shoulder to see the large smile on his face. Kylo maintained eye contact as he slid a hand between your legs, groaning in amusement at how wet you were. You kissed him lightly as he teased your entrance with his fingertips, dipping them close, but never fulfilling the act.

Tired of his teasing, you lowered yourself to the desk. Leaning forward onto your forearms as you pushed your backside hard into his crotch. Kylo grasped your flesh, grunting in admiration as you turned your head back to flash him an inviting smile.

Hurriedly, Kylo undid his belt and trousers. His hardness was raging to be released. As he entered you, you pushed back further, head lowering as you gasped out loud.

This time, no words were exchanged as Kylo fucked you. Half because he was relishing in feeling you again, but half because he didn’t want to ruin the moment as he had done the last time with his incessant chatter about Poe. Jealousy was not a good look on either of you it had seemed.

Clutching your hips as tight as he could, Kylo gave in and fucked you as fast and as hard as he could, releasing the tension that had built up from a day of conferences and meetings. You rested your head against the cool wood of his desk, shutting your eyes as you focused on enjoying the feeling of Kylo taking you.

Your breath momentarily fogged the desk’s varnish as Kylo reached around the front of your body and began to stroke your clit. You squealed in ecstasy. It was a delight so intense that it made you forget the worry and stress of parliamentary life. It made you forget about Poe and his warning to suspend you. God, if only you could have Kylo every night after work, you’d be less uptight.

Ren’s fingers found their way into your hair, pushing the side of your head hard against the desk as your back arched at the powerful orgasm flashing throughout your body. The next thing you remembered was the warm rush of liquid inside you and Kylo panting, his hand tenderly smoothing over your curves as he lowered your skirt.

You spun around to find Ren sitting in his desk chair, trousers pulled up, the zip still open. The feeling of wetness on your thigh brought you back into the moment, the inevitable guilt of disobeying your superior creeping in.

Kylo took your waist in his hands, pulling you to sit on his lap. “Fuck, you’re absolutely amazing,” he whispered between kisses.

You snorted, “I must be to find you to find you attractive.”

Your comment earned you a playful smack on the behind from Kylo causing the pair of you to laugh.

He reaches up to your face, brushing away the stray tendrils of hair from your face. His voice is quiet this time. Nervous. Frightened to screw it up again.

"What are your plans for tonight?"

“I’m not too sure,” you hummed in response, “I’ve promised friends I’ll meet up with them for a meal soon.” Sensing his disappointment, you hastily add, “Maybe you could visit my flat later?”

“Can’t you cancel?”

“Afraid not. It’s one of the other Resistance politician’s birthday celebration. Poe’s going to be there.” You sighed, your stomach lurching at the idea of coming face to face with Poe again and having to lie about today’s meeting with Ren. However, even if you did bottle it and stay at home with or without Ren to keep you company, Poe would’ve stormed over to your flat in a heartbeat with questions.

Kylo raised an eyebrow and you frowned at him. “What?”

“You had the nerve to criticise me for going for a run with the Prime Minister before our meeting, but here you are out getting wasted with your superiors during work hours,” he replied with mock shock.

Your eyes almost bulged out of your head, “You went for a run with the Prime Minister when you missed our first meeting?”

“Us ‘nepotistic First Order twats’ don’t have the job security you think we do. We still have to keep ourselves in the party’s good books if we want a promotion next reshuffle,” he teased, “Don’t tell me you’re actually going to that birthday meal because you _like_ the person!”

“Hey, I like most people,” you smiled, taking a notepad from his desk and scribbling down your address, “And on rare occasions, I sometimes like those who I shouldn’t.”


	6. It's A Date

A knock on your flat door roused you from your afternoon nap. Sleepily, you stumbled towards the door, calling out to the person on the other side that you were on your way.

Swinging it open, you groaned at the sight of Kylo leaning against the doorway of your flat. Couldn’t you catch a break? He waved the Ucleon file in the air, “You forgot this yesterday.”

He seemed to take up the entire space, smirking down at you as he casually stood with one leg crossed over the other, elbow resting against the door frame.

You snatched the file from his hand, “A tactical move. That way, if anyone sees you here, you have a reasonable excuse for being at my home…other than wanting to bed me.”

“That’s not a reasonable excuse?” he chuckled, entering your flat as you reached to quickly shut the door behind him just in case any of your neighbours decided to get curious.

Kylo smiled as he took in your modest living space. Spending his whole life living in luxury, it was quite nice to be in humbler surroundings for a change. He felt like he could relax here despite the fact your home was about as messy and chaotic as your office. Between the orange two seater sofa and the small television set, there was a coffee table decorated with an abundance of loose sheets of paper which Kylo could only assume were work documents.

You interrupted his assessment of your flat, handing him a glass of wine before plopping yourself down heavily on your sofa. The pair of you drank in silence, watching some political news channel that was already on.

Kylo rolled his eyes. You really didn’t stop working, did you? He broke the silence, “Do you ever relax?”

“What do you think we’re doing now?”

He raised an eyebrow in response, leaning forward to move some of the papers on the coffee table to carpet, “You and I both have very different definitions of relaxing.”

“I’m sorry I don’t have caviar to serve you,” you snapped, suddenly getting very defensive of your lifestyle. You were content with the way you spent your free time. Who was he to judge?

“That’s not what I meant,” Kylo sighed, shaking his head. He watched as you angrily sipped at your white wine, bottom lip stuck outwards in an annoyed pout as you tried to busy yourself in the heated political debate on the screen. God, you were attractive when you were irritated at him. His eyes lit up, “I have an idea about how we could make this night more interesting and it doesn’t involve caviar.”

“What are you even—”

“Why don’t you be a poor helpless single mother living in a council estate and I’ll be a bedroom tax inspector and you could show me to your room.” His voice was playful, but you couldn’t help but still get riled up. Was everyone else’s struggle really a joke to him?

You shoved him away from you, “My god! You’re disgusting! People are being financially fucked over by the First Order government and all you can think of is—”

“Fucking you,” he answered in a low voice that had you blushing.

You stuttered, trying to compose yourself as you felt his gaze burning into you.

Thankfully, Kylo changed the subject, but you noticed the way his lips quirked into a smug smile. No doubt he was proud of how flustered he’d made you. “How was the party you went to last night?”

“Um… good.” You nodded, reaching for the bottle to refill your glass.

“Tell me something,” he beat you to the bottle, pulling it out of your reach as he leaned in closer to you, “Did you leave your underwear on or off for the birthday drinks? Did you think about me bending you over my desk as you listened to those jumped-up Resistance idiots and their inane party chat?”

Your cheeks were positively the brightest shade of crimson by now, your throat becoming dry as his inquiry was met with silence.

Nevertheless, Kylo persisted. His lips brushing the shell of your ear, “Please tell me you kept them off. The thought of you playing polite and innocent as you think about what we’ve done drives me wild.”

“For God’s sake! Can’t you chat like a regular human?” you gasped. As you pulled your skirt tight against your thighs, you titled yourself away from Kylo. A laugh escaped your lips, “This is insane, you know that, right? I’m sleeping with a First Order junior minister who I think is a colossal asshat.”

“I’m not a _colossal_ asshat,” he feigned offence, “We may not agree politically, but I’m not as bad as people say.”

You’d heard all the rumours about Kylo, his terrible temper and extreme stubbornness. It was hard to believe the man sitting next to you was the one that most people on all sides of the political spectrum seemed to fear. Sure, you’d seen what a flash of jealousy could do to him at Leia’s book launch. Yet, he’d always been reasonable with you when you were alone. If it was an act, he’d surely have cracked by now. Wouldn’t he?

“You just need to get to know me,” the sound of Kylo talking snapped you out of your thoughts. He undid his tie and kicked off his shoes, chin resting on his elbow as he looked at you, “I’m free all weekend if you are.”

You smacked your lips together, hesitating about whether or not to tell him. He hadn’t taken very well to your harmless flirting with Poe. “I’m not that free, actually. Especially tonight.”

Glancing at the clock, you sighed, “Speaking of which, I should start getting ready and you should go.”

“W—What?” Kylo blinked, staring at you as though you had just spoken to him in a foreign language.

“I’m going out tonight.”

“Again? What happened to you being a recluse and hating social gatherings?”

“I am and I do,” you laid back in the chair. Your reply came out of your mouth in such a nervous rush that it sounded like one long word, “Iamgoingonadate.”

He frowned, sitting up straighter. The jealousy was beginning to take hold of him again, you could sense it. “A date? Where to? Who with?”

You shrugged, your voice quiet when you responded, “With some guy. He doesn’t work in politics, Kylo. I thought it better to separate work and my personal life for once.”

He doesn’t laugh at your halfhearted joke and normally you would have left the topic there. Yet, the deafening silence and the clenching of Kylo’s fists was making you feel uneasy so you decided, against your better judgement, to continue.

“He’s a lawyer. I bumped into him last night while waiting for a taxi home. There’s a restaurant nearby that we’ve both apparently been curious to check out for a while so we’re going to dinner. And I should really get ready otherwise I’ll be a mess. God, I’m not even sure I want to go, I’ve got so much to do for work.”

“Then don’t,” the words slipped from Kylo’s mouth before he could stop them. He was desperate, jumping at the chance to prevent you from going on that date. The idea of you spending one-to-one time with some smarmy lawyer made him feel physically sick. He didn’t know why he felt so strongly about you seeing other people all of sudden, but he dismissed it down to protectiveness. He knew men who worked in law and despised them. That must be why.

“Kylo, I already agreed. I can’t cancel on him. I don’t know how you do things down at the First Order, but we Resistance members always keep our promises.”

His laugh was bitter, “And what about our agreement?”

“Whoa, I never explicitly agreed, and to what? To hook up occasionally? Kylo, I see you almost every day anyway. Surely, you can spare me for one night. I don’t think things are going to go _that_ well with Dopheld, so you have nothing to worry about,” you cleared your throat, “Not that it’s any of your business either way.”

You swung your legs around so that you were sitting up more straightly. Kylo averted his eyes, trying to rid the sordid thoughts of how good your legs looked in that skirt.

“It _is_ my business. We’re friends.”

Seeing you hesitate, his jaw tightened even more. This time, his voice was far sterner, “Am I wrong, Y/N? After the things we’ve done, I would imagine we’re more than just acquaintances. Wouldn’t you?”

“I don’t know, Kylo…” you muttered. In reality, you and Kylo barely knew each other. Not on the deep, spiritual level your Resistance friends did. However, now was not the time to be having a meaningful conversation reflecting on your past indiscretions with him. Dopheld would be here in almost an hour.

“This guy, Dopheld, I don’t like him.”

He sounded so much like a sulking child that you couldn’t help but giggle. “You’ve never even met him! He’s an esteemed lawyer. Besides, even if he did turn out to be a scumbag, I think I can handle my own, Ren.”

“I know you can. That’s precisely why I’m not stopping you from going on this stupid date.” He spat, face contorted into an angry scowl.

You couldn’t believe he was acting like this. As though he had some sort of claim over you. Yes, you’d slept together multiple times, but it hadn’t been anything more than that. What was it the two of you had discussed? Enemies with benefits. You hadn’t realised that came with a policy of Kylo controlling your personal life. “You’re not my father, Kylo. I made my decision to go on this date with Dopheld. Your opinion is quite frankly irrelevant!”

“You wouldn’t go if I didn’t want you to.” There was a hint of mischief in his words. It was twisted. The way you both got off on arguing with one another. A fire lighting up within you both, crackling with every disagreement. You going on a silly date shouldn't wind him up, but it did.

Your tone was angry, but the way your eyes sparkled and your lips dropped open told him otherwise. You were challenging him. Game On. “Oh really, how would you stop me, Ren?”

“With my irresistible charm.”

You smirked at his confidence, “Please, that never worked on me. You better come with up with something else.”

“Hmm, I can think of some other methods.”

“Really?” you tested him. He nodded in reply, licking his lips as he maintained eye contact with you. Your knees were touching, the fabric of his suit trousers brushing against your exposed skin. The warmth radiating between the two of you was suffocating. “What other methods? Do tell.”

“Physically.”

He was aware of the way you were staring at him, sizing him up. He almost grinned at the way your eyebrow immediately shot up at his response, “Physically?”

“I could lock you in your room.”

Your mouth ends quirked up into a smirk, teasing him further and my, how he hated you for it. “That’s good, but there’s one problem. I’m quite agile, I could easily climb out of the window.”

Kylo nodded in defeat, his eyes darkening with his next thought. He stared straight at you as he delivered his second suggestion, “Then you’d leave me with no choice. I’ll have to tie you up.”

You found your eyes widening, mouth dropping open further as you sat stunned. Fuck, he’d caught you out there.

“I guess that’d work,” you spoke slowly.

Both of were unable to disguise how much that idea appealed to you. Kylo’s pupils were blown wide as he pictured you lying on your bed, bound and trussed. The night had most definitely taken an interesting turn and judging by the stirring in his pants and the daring twinkle in your eye, neither of you could complain.

His tone was low and gritty. Upon hearing it, your stomach did somersaults. “Would you like me to tie you up?”

He was playing with fire and he knew it. Both of you did. But, in this moment, both of you were completely and totally unafraid of getting burnt.

You folded your arms across your chest, a small smile playing on your lips as you challenged him through half-lidded eyes. Lifting one hand, you tucked a stray hair behind your ear. The movement causing your shirt to rise. Instantly, Kylo’s eyes followed your actions. His gaze gluing itself to your cleavage area. “I’d like to see you try, Ren. Hey… I’m up here!”

Your thighs clenched together as he looked up at you, “Trust me, I know exactly where you are.”

 _Where was this going?_ You tipped your head to the side, watching him with fascination and interest which only made Kylo hot under the collar. To you, Dopheld was long forgotten. In that moment, the only man that existed was the First Order politician by your side. “And where’s that?”

“Sitting next to me, staring at me, flirting with me when you should be thinking about your date with your precious lawyer friend.”

A chuckle escaped you, shaking your head as you pulled your lip between your teeth. “What gave you the idea I wasn’t thinking about Dopheld?”

“Because you’ve barely mentioned him in the last five minutes.”

“That’s because you haven’t shut your mouth in the last five minutes. I've barely had a chance to tell you how lovely he is,” you countered making you both laugh.

Kylo grinned, “If you were as into Dopheld as you’re desperate to make out, then you’d be in your room getting dolled up for him not flirting with me.”

“Oh, my flirting with you doesn’t mean anything. I’m just passing the time.”

Your denial of the situation made him clench his fists again. Flirting always meant something. Especially when it was between the two of you. “I don’t imagine you've flirted with Dopheld like this.”

“But I will. He’s quite handsome, really funny and he's rich.”

“I'm rich.”

You couldn’t hide the grin that broke out at his reply, “I suppose you’re funny too.”

He was quick to match your smile. Although, you could’ve sworn there was a hint of sourness to it, “It’s just the good looks that I’m missing. I guess Dopheld must win.”

“Oh, shut up!” you scoffed, “Every woman in parliament would drop their panties for you. Don’t pretend you don’t know how attractive you are.”

“You think I’m attractive?”

“Visually. It wasn’t your award-winning personality that had me bending over your desk,” you retorted, “You could have any woman in the First Order, Ren, and there are some gorgeous ladies there. Hell, I bet some of the Resistance gals would trade allegiances for a night with you.”

“Well, you’re not exactly visually unpleasant either,” he told you, “After all, Casanova of the taxi rank asked you out on date.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, “It’s just dinner, Kylo. Why do you care so much?”

His eyes widened, his arms crossing defensively over his chest, “I don’t care. It’s just… I know lawyers. They’re self-important and I don’t want him taking advantage of you.”

“Because your offer of tying me up wasn’t taking advantage at all?”

He tried his best to ignore the image flashing in his brain again, his voice quiet like a sullen child, “Please, as if I would. I just want you to be safe.”

 _Liar_. The word hung in the air. You were surprised, however, at how well he was hiding his jealousy this time. Last time with Poe he had been unable to hide that infamous temper. It was still ever-present, but disguised behind a veil of civility. He knew that the burning feeling to stop you from going on that date wasn’t just about being protective. It was his intense envy that someone else might spend the night in your company, holding you, kissing you…

“I’ll be fine, Ren,” your reassurance dissolved his envious thoughts, “I mean, it’s just dinner. I’ll likely be back before the clock strikes midnight. And if Dopheld tries anything, I’ll give him hell.”

Kylo nodded, but his movement was strained. Regardless of his feelings, you were still going on that poxy date. He couldn’t blame you, though. He was a First Order politician and you worked for the opposition. To even entertain the notion of something more than casual sex would’ve been foolish of him. He liked you, he really did, and he hated himself for it.

“Enjoy yourself.” He didn’t even bother to hide how wounded he was, but the worst thing was that he had meant it. He wanted you to be happy because you could never be happy with him. Snoke and Poe, they’d have your heads. He just didn’t want you to be _too_ happy.

There was a knock on the door that made you both jump, breaking the intense eye contact. “Shit, that’s Dopheld! He’s early! I haven’t even begun to get ready!”

Kylo swallowed his discontent, “You look fine. A little professional… as though you’re going to scold him for cutting benefits, but I think it’ll work so long as he’s not taking you to eat fast food.”

You let out a breath you’d been holding, “Thanks. Oh, and um…feel free to stay, I guess. If you want to hear all the saucy details after.”

He knew you’d meant it playfully when you’d said it, but it still angered him. He turned away from you, picking up his wine glass and wandering into your kitchen to go wash it. “Sure.”

There was no chance he would be going back to his place. He had to make sure that you got home. And if you didn’t, then he’d just have to search every restaurant in the city to find you and drag you home. Hell, the idea didn’t sound too bad.

When you grabbed your bag and waved goodbye, Kylo could feel his heart ache. Yet, it wasn’t until the slam of the door that he’d realised that he’d fallen for you. Hard. Despite every synapse in his brain warning him against it.

Stepping out into the hallway, you were met face to face with Dopheld. In his hand, he had the most beautiful bouquet of flowers you’d seen. Pale white lilies mixed with orange chrysanthemums and pink roses. They were hand-tied with a ruby ribbon and one glance told you that they were expensive.

“You look breathtaking,” Dopheld breathed out, eyes raking across your frame. He pressed his lips to your cheek and you felt a pang of guilt for the thoughts of your earlier flirting with Kylo still swirling in your head when you were supposed to be focused on him. He pushed the flowers forward, “These are for you.”

As much as you’d enjoyed toying with Kylo, professing this as a date, you’d really seen this as nothing more than a dinner between new friends. Clearly, Dopheld had mistaken you. “Thank you,” you said, and you meant it. You really were grateful. “I should put them in water. Let me run inside and put them in a vase. I won’t be too long!”

“Oh, I can help…”

You were torn. You felt bad for just leaving Dopheld standing in your complex’s hallway, but what alternative was there? It would be rude to let the flowers die and you couldn’t let him see Kylo in case he got the wrong idea. “You can go start up your car and I’ll meet you outside!”

Dopheld was unfazed. He simply nodded, “Of course. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

As you reach for the door handle, you glance over your shoulder to make sure Dopheld wasn’t sneakily planning on following you in. He wasn’t. Instead, he was halfway down the stairs. He gave you a wave and a small smile as you retreated back into your flat.

You didn’t even look to see where Kylo had gone. Racing to the kitchen sink, it wasn’t until Kylo cleared his throat that you realised he hadn’t left after all. You abruptly ceased your actions at the sound, putting your hand to your chest to signal your shock. “You scared me! I forgot you were still here.”

“Evidently,” Kylo’s tone was unamused and curt. His eyes darted to the bunch of flowers in your hand, “Either that was the shortest date in history or he tried to jump you before you even got to his car.”

You tensed at his mockery, “Actually, Dopheld’s been nothing but a gentleman so far. I’m just popping these in water and then I’ll be going back to my date.”

Kylo’s eyes sparkled with roguery, “He’s still in the hallway?”

“No. He’s waiting outside in his car.”

“Oh, what sort of car?” You couldn’t help but frown at how genuinely interested Kylo had sounded. You don’t know why you felt so angry about it.

Grabbing a vase from the cupboard under the sink, you filled it with water, “Not too sure. It’s red. Nice.”

“That’s such a girl response. I didn’t ask about the colour,” he snorted.

You knew he was trying to bait you, but you didn't have the time to get into a full-blown rage. Taking a deep breath, you tried to remain calm. You couldn’t go on your date furious. “It’s a good car, Kylo, and in a few minutes, I’ll be leaving in it.”

“I want to see what car he has!”

“Well, you can’t!”

“Come on, I just want to see if his car’s good enough for the darling of the Resistance.”

You shook your head, Poe would disagree with that nickname far too much. Even more so if he knew you had Kylo Ren in your flat. Shoving the flowers into the vase, you pushed past him towards the exit, “I’ll see you later, Ren.”

It wasn’t until you were almost to the end of the first flight of stairs that you realised that Kylo was following you. You pretended to ignore his heavy footsteps behind you, but as he joined you down the last set of stairs and towards the building’s twin doors, you could see Dopheld’s face contort with shock.

“Satisified, Ren? Is the car up to your standards?” you mumbled through gritted teeth.

Ren nodded in approval, but as you turned to look up at him, something about the expression on his face made your heart clench. He seemed so upset. It made you want to reach up on your tip toes and wipe the angry lines away and tell him that Dopheld really didn’t mean anything to you. You weren’t sure why. It’s not like you and Kylo meant anything to each other either. Yet, it took all the strength you could muster to walk away from his side and towards Dopheld’s car, leaving him by the steps to your building.

Or so you thought. You heard Kylo’s steps behind you once more, but before you could whirl around and tell him to quit it, he already had a hand outstretched towards Dopheld, “Mitaka! It’s me, Ben! How have you been?”

You froze on the spot. That was the first time you’d heard Kylo use his given name since he’d deviated towards the political opposition. Confused, you looked up at Kylo and then back to Dopheld, “What—”

“Mitaka and I go way back! We went to school together, actually, didn’t we _Dopheld_? That must’ve been why the name didn’t register. We’d always called him Mitaka back then,” Kylo made no attempt to hide his smugness, “So, I hear you’re a hotshot lawyer now.”

Dopheld stuttered as though he was afraid of Ren, making you frown, “I… um… Yes, I’m not sure about ‘hotshot’ though. Sorry, Y/N, how do you know him?”

“Oh, we work together,” Kylo had interjected before you could even open your mouth to reply, “Politics is a small crowd.”

“But you’re part of the First Order. She’s—”

“Always been attracted to a bad boy, haven’t you, Y/N?” Kylo smirked. His arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to him.

Your nails dug into the palms of your hands as you clenched your fists tightly to keep your anger from bursting out. Dopheld looked terrified, his eyes widely flitting between you and Ren. Kylo laughed, breaking the awkward silence, “Relax, Mitaka. She’s all yours tonight.”

He looked down seeing your scowl, “What? I’m trying to help. Oh, and she promised she’d be back by twelve. So, I’ll see you before midnight. Got that, Mitaka?”

That was the last straw. Whipping around, you glared at him, “Seriously, Kylo!”

He threw his hands in the air in mock surrender, “Hey! You said it, not me.”

Dopheld cleared his throat, tearing your attention away from Kylo. “Um… If there’s an issue with me taking her out, Ben, then we can just forget it—”

“Excuse me, I’m right here,” you yelled at him, “And there’s no issue, Dopheld. Kylo… _Ben_ ’s being an idiot. I’m perfectly single.”

You can tell from the way Kylo winced that he didn’t like _you_ using his former name. Strange. He recovered rapidly, plastering a cheery smile across his face, “Yes, you are, Y/N. You must go, flee, enjoy yourself. It was nice to see you again, Mitaka. We must catch up!”

“I’ll… uh… check my calendar,” Dopheld nodded, preparing to walk around to open the door on your side of the car.

Before he could do it, Kylo jumped in. His gleeful grin was beginning to scare you. “No need to break a sweat, Mitaka, I can do it!”

He held out his hand for you. You stood there for a moment contemplating it before deciding you were far too angry with him right now to accept. Ignoring it, you settled yourself into the passenger seat.

“So, I’ll be seeing you two lovers just before twelve,” Kylo sang. You didn’t have time to stop him as he leant down and pressed a chaste kiss on the side of your face, just below your ear. His breath tickling your skin made you shiver. He lingered there a minute longer than would be considered polite, aware of how much it irritated Mitaka.

He stood up, slapping the side of Dopheld’s shiny car, “Have fun!”

“Thanks…” Dopheld looked even more confused than you. You remained quiet, shooting Kylo an icy glare in the side mirror as Dopheld put the car into drive. As you began to speed down the lane into the city streets, you stole a quick look back behind your shoulder. Sure enough, Kylo remained outside your flat building, arms folded across his chest.

As you neared the gates, Dopheld finally spoke to you, “I didn’t know you and Ben… uh… Kylo were so close.”

“We’re not,” you answered coldly.

“Then why was he at your flat?”

“For work.”

Dopheld nodded, his voice dropping to a low, concerned tone, “If I were you, I’d stay away from him. He’s always been bad news.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a bit carried away and this is 11 MS Word pages of waffle oops - sorry! No smut this chapter, but please do let me know what you think so far. Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to message me, comment or even read this!
> 
> As always, I'm too much of a tired mess to double-check this right now, so hit me up if there are any errors.


	7. Just Sex

You waited until you arrived at the restaurant to begin questioning Mitaka on what he had said about Kylo in the car. Quite frankly, you didn’t want him getting lost in raging about whatever troublesome history he had with Ren and crashing the car. You figured it would be far safer to pry once you were seated indoors and had a meal in front of you.

“What did you mean? In the car, when you told me to stay away from Kylo.”

“He’s not a nice man.”

You furrowed your brows together. Kylo’s reputation was never a secret to you, but Mitaka had known him before he became the ruthless bad boy of the First Order government. He had known him back when he was just Leia’s son… Ben. “He’s hardly a saint, but he’s a politician. We lie, we—”

“He’ll ruin your life,” Mitaka mumbled. You could see his grip on the fork in his hand tighten, raking it across the plate in front of him. “He has this way of fooling people that he’s their friend, that he’s on their side. Heck, he’s probably done the exact same to you. Made you feel special, like you mattered. We went to school together for years. Ben was the guy everyone wanted to be. His parents were famous and he was so cool. That’s why when he came to my aid one day after some cruel kids had shoved me in a locker, he became my hero.”

You watched at the way Mitaka’s eyes glazed over, lost deep in the memory. His lip twitched into a smile, before curling into a sneer. “We became friends, or so I thought. I trusted him with my secrets and he used them against me. I became the laughing stock of the school. He followed me to university. Made my life hell there too.”

You felt sorry for Dopheld, you really did. Bullies were the worst. You didn’t want to defend Kylo Ren, but this had to be years ago. Even if he was still a ridiculous twat, Kylo surely must’ve grown up a smidge from the boy Dopheld described. Yet, something he had said struck you.

 _I trusted him with my secrets and he used them against me_.

While Dopheld went on about how the golden boy Ben Solo had let him down and humiliated him, you stared with wide eyes at your plate as you mulled those words over. Had he… Had Ren been playing a game with you this whole time? You two, hooking up, spending time together, was all that a ruse so he could get Resistance information from you? Find out the weaknesses. Use them against you. It made sense. He didn’t want to save Ucleon, of course not, he was using you to find out the town’s flaws so he could feed them back to Snoke who would obliterate them.

You pushed your plate of noodles away from you, feeling the bile beginning to rise in your throat. Shit, you’d left him at home with all your paperwork! He was probably rifling through it right now. Sifting through to find any sensitive Resistance material that’d give them the upper hand. Poe had been right, you had been stupid.

As the dread set in, the air around you felt thick. You rushed to stand, “Dopheld, I’m so sorry. I have to go.”

“You’ve realised it haven’t you,” he looked up at you with a sympathetic half-smile, “That he’s playing you, like he did me. Like he does everyone. We’re not people to him, Y/N. We’re game pieces that he can use and play with when he feels like he’s got the upper hand.”

Dopheld let you go with you stuttering out a promise of rearranging the dinner. That was, if you still had a job after tonight. Who knows how Kylo would react if you interrogated him about this? If you accused him of being some sort of First Order spy. Would you finally see the anger that Kylo Ren was supposedly very capable of?

Frantically, you hailed a taxi. Every minute of that journey felt like torture. A cab ride to your doom.

***

You let yourself in, your hands trembling so much that you’d nearly dropped the keys several times. Pulling off your heels, you scanned the living room for any trace of Kylo, ready for war. Alas, he was nowhere to be seen.

The worry that Mitaka had instilled in you on the date followed you into your apartment along with the night-time air, blanketing you, reminding you that no matter how gorgeous Kylo was, he was the enemy. You had to remember that when you saw him.

Walking into the kitchen, the first thing you see are the flowers. A large antique vase full of geraniums and deep red roses. You’d recognised them from your neighbour’s allotment in the communal gardens outside the building. Kylo must’ve picked them himself and arranged them. Jesus, your neighbour was going to be pissed when he saw they were missing in the morning. Why had he done this?

You remembered his expression when you’d brought Mitaka’s flowers in. His attitude, a forced nonchalance, but there’d been something sour about it. Yet, when he’d followed you out to Mitaka’s car, he’d been amused. He’d have given a pantomime actor a run for his money with how bright and smiley he had been. What had changed in that time frame?

“Kylo?” you quietly called out for him.

There was no response and you could feel your heart begin to pound faster in your ribcage. Fear started creeping up on you once more. He’d left, hadn’t he? He’d found out whatever intel he needed to make a compelling case against Ucleon and he’d gone. This whole time, he’d been humoring you. A cruel joke. Was that what the flirting had been earlier? Him, mocking your naivety. No, it can’t have been. The way he was looking at you like he wanted to devour you. You couldn’t fake those expressions, could you?

You shout out a little louder this time, “Kylo?”

There was the clattering of feet and your bedroom door swung open. There he was, standing in threshold between your cramped and chaotic living room and equally tiny bedroom. His eyebrows knitted together when he saw the flushed and worried look on your face.

“What’s the matter?” His voice sounded groggy as he rubbed his eyes. Had he been sleeping in your room? “Has something happened? Did Mitaka hurt you?”

You wanted to nod, to scream at him that Mitaka had hurt you, but not in the way he thought. You wanted to let him know Dopheld had told you everything about the kind of person he was. You wanted to yell about how foolish you had been to trust him. To bitterly laugh about the irony of being surprised of his betrayal despite the fact he was literally the enemy. He always had been. However, one look at the tired and perplexed man in front you, and all those emotions vanished. God, you really were in deep, weren’t you?

Shaking your head, you blinked back the tears threatening to spill, unsure why they were even there to begin with. “You got me flowers.”

“I did,” he took a step towards you, “To say sorry.”

For being a jealous prick? For maybe tricking you into believing that he was fucking you because he liked you, but really, he was doing so for information? Was Mitaka right? You stared up at him through watery eyes, “What for?”

“Being an idiot. I threw out your flowers.”

“The ones from Dopheld? Why?”

He scrunched up his face, there was a harshness to his words, “I don’t know, I didn’t like their presence here. I guess… I don’t like you getting flowers from other men. So, I binned them.”

So, he’s going with the jealous prick route. He inched closer to you once more, biting his lip as though the admission of his envy was tough for him. “And then I felt really bad because I thought about you coming home and seeing they were longer here. So, I went out picked some.”

“From my neighbour’s allotment?”

Kylo shrugged, completely deadpan, “The florist was closed at this time of night.”

“He’s going to come for your head in the morning.”

“He won’t find who it was. It could’ve easily been an animal.”

You rolled your eyes, “He has security camera, you numpty! A couple months ago kids kept stamping on his pansies and he decided to get CCTV as deterrent.”

You shuddered recalling how enraged he’d been about a few flattened flowers. Banging on every door in the building, demanding to know which devil the offspring who had ruined his beautiful batch of flowers belonged to. You wouldn’t imagine Han and Leia being too pleased at your elderly neighbour showing up at their manor to lecture them on their flower stealing grown adult son.

Kylo threw his hands in the air, “Well, how was I supposed to know?”

“There’s a massive yellow sign alerting you that security recording is in process on the fence!” you half wanted to laugh about how ridiculous this whole conversation was, “This’ll be national news by tomorrow. I can see the headlines about the First Order Flower Thief now.”

“I’ve got money, I can buy his silence,” he grinned playfully. Yet, you knew his little joke was a thinly veiled threat. He could if he wanted to. “Just say it, Y/N. I’m a dick, right?”

Much to your surprise, you find yourself shaking your head, “No. It was actually really nice of you, Kylo.”

Dopheld’s words flashed in your head again. _He’s not a nice man._ You must’ve flinched because Kylo rushed over you to in concern. “He didn’t drug you, did he?”

“No,” you whispered. Clearing your throat, you backed away slightly from him. Your voice was unsteady, your mind and heart torn between Dopheld’s earlier warning and just how much you actually liked him. “Thank you for the flowers.”

He seemed to forget your odd turn, looking over at the vase. The furrows were still deep in his brows, “They’re not enough.”

“If you’d stolen more I think my neighbour would’ve dragged you to court,” you laughed, but it seemed to fall on deaf ears as Kylo was deep in thought. You tried to read him, but to no avail. Where was the man whose sarcastic comments had fuelled Mitaka’s car down the driveway mere hours ago? The man whose confidence and charm had irritated you endlessly during work? It was hard to equate that guy with the one standing in front of you, so unsure so himself.

Kylo edged nearer to you again, clearing the space you’d put between you. His voice was low as he spoke, “How was your date?”

You wanted to shout at him. Every time the pair of you came close to allowing something meaningful to transpire, one of you always pulled the reins back. This time, it was him. He was changing the subject. Although, not to one you were particularly overjoyed to discuss.

You didn’t want to tell him that Mitaka had confessed how much Kylo had emotionally scarred the man through humiliating him in their younger years. You didn’t want to let him know that it had caused you to second guess everything you felt for the First Order politician. If Kylo was pretending to care for you… If all this with the flowers and the flirting was an act. One, you’d have to alert the Academy so he could win the Oscar he so clearly deserved. And two, if it was the case, he still believed you were under his spell. By not testing him on Mitaka’s words, you had an advantage. He would think he was playing you, but in reality, you’d be one step ahead of his game.

“It was a flop,” you sighed.

Kylo couldn’t stop the smile that broke out, a chuckle escaping his lips. “Should I be sorry?”

He looked at you sheepishly, but there was a glint in his eye that told you he didn’t feel guilty for the stunt he’d pulled out by Dopheld’s car. You raised an eyebrow, playing along, “I don’t know, should you?”

“I’m not sorry.” He was more confident now. You’d strayed away from the sensitive topic of feelings and moved straight onto your usual sexual tension. Something Kylo felt much more self-assured with.

“I didn’t think you were,” you smiled, “I don’t think I’m all that sorry about it not being a successful date either.”

He huffed, pleased with your response. Kylo cleared the final distance between the two of you, your gaze glued to him with every step he took. You opened your mouth to speak, but in that moment, you couldn’t find the strength in you to stop him. Mitaka’s warning be damned. Your thoughts were too full of him. His proximity, the smell of his cologne, the way his hair fell over his face. Instinctively, you reached up, fingers brushing through his raven hair.

“Y/N…” he breathed your name as it were oxygen. You closed your eyes at the softness in his voice. It almost convinced you that perhaps Kylo wasn’t using you. Perhaps this meant something to him as it did to you. Almost. You didn’t want to hear his words, you wanted to taste them. To savour them as they spilled from his mouth to yours.

He dipped down until his eyes were level with your eyes. You could feel his breath fanning your skin. He blinked, his lashes tangling with yours. Your breath hitched in anticipation as his hand cupped your chin, his fingers digging into your cheek as he angled your face to the left. He came even closer still, his nose sliding against yours, his lips pressing against the corner of your mouth.

Unable to control himself, Kylo took your face in his hands and kissed you deeply. It was a stark contrast to what you were used to. There was a neediness, an urgency to his actions that hadn’t been there before. It wasn’t like how rough he had been when he’d seen you flirt with Poe, this was something different. You felt yourself give way beneath him, lowering your barriers for just a moment.

“If this is going to be a thing, we have to be careful,” you whispered, leaning away from him just a fraction so you look into his eyes. Kylo nodded, hanging onto your every word. You smiled at him, “And you’re going to have stop getting so jealous about any male who I show the slightest bit of interest in.”

“I don’t want you to see other people,” he boomed, adamant, “At least not until we’re done with the Ucleon case.”

You scoffed, “Until we’re done with Ucleon? Is that my expiry date, Ren? Once you’re done destroying my constituency, you’ll throw me away like a piece of spoilt meat?”

He glared at you. You were being absurd. “I never said that. It’s a reasonable request, I don’t know why you’re so angry at me.”

“So, you can be angry, but I can’t?”

“Yes,” he answered causing you to shake your head in disbelief, “Especially when you’re angry about something so trivial.”

“That’s not very diplomatic of you.”

“Well, I’m not a diplomat.”

You groaned, “It’s just sex. We’re not a couple, why are you lecturing me on my life?”

Kylo felt his heart drop. _Just sex._ Of course, you didn’t view him as anything more than a fuck buddy. He’d been stupid for thinking any different. You saw him pause, looking affronted and frowned. “Ren? Are you alright?”

You sounded so sweet, so concerned. So unaware that you were breaking his heart. He knew he should leave. He’d made the mistake of involving his feelings when you all you wanted was a casual fuck. Yet, you had enchanted him. The thought of never being this close and intimate, never being able to hold you again, it was worse. He’d play along if it meant spending time with you. The Resistance girl who should’ve been everything he despised.

Forcing a grin, he nodded, “It’s a deal.”

“I can’t believe I’m making a deal with the First Order,” you huffed.

He could do this, couldn’t he? Go back to how it had been before you had gone on that date with Mitaka, heated flirting, both of you pushing each other’s buttons. Kylo inwardly sighed, reassuring himself that he could. His palms wandered up your sides, before picking you up and dropping you on the sofa, him hovering over you. “This is certainly the most interesting cross-party negotiation I’ve ever had.”

“Add ‘no more political sexual innuendos’ to the list of our agreement,” you swatted him in the shoulder, causing you both to laugh. His, a low, deep chuckle that sent warmth straight to your core. Kylo guarded his face with his arm, expertly shielding himself as you attacked him with one of your cushions.

“Ok, ok, that was my fault! I couldn’t resist!” he shouted. Removing his arm from his face, he looked down at you to see you giggling. The sight tugged at his heartstrings, his lips quirking into a smile. “You should smile more. I mean, properly smile. It suits you.”

“I smile! Parliament’s not a place where I feel like I can smile. Especially with your lot ruining the planet,” you hit him playfully in the shoulder again, “Listen, you don’t know me. Not really. And I don’t know you. Let’s keep it that way.”

There was something much more soothing in Kylo’s eyes, his fingers brushing your cheek in a tender action that made you nervous. This wasn’t right. You had to keep your feelings at arm’s length. That was the only way you could ensure your safety and the party’s safety. No matter how much your heart was screaming at you, scolding you for refusing the notion of something meaningful with Ren. His voice was low, gentle for once, “I’d like to get to know you.”

“Enemies with benefits, remember? That’ll have to do for now.” You weren’t sure who you were trying to convince with that last line, yourself or Kylo.

Kylo understood. If parliament gossips discovered the arrangement between you, then it would be you who would the target of their cruel abuse. Not him. He could already imagine the brutal taunts you would have to endure. It was the nature of politics; Kylo knew that you would be accused for sleeping with him to save Ucleon more than he would be accused of letting his feelings towards a Resistance member sway his position or persuade Snoke to keep funding the constituency in question.

Despite all this, Kylo found himself following you to your bedroom.

You turned to face him, “I bet your place is some modern apartment in some newly built high rise with a spectacular city view. Meanwhile, I’m here in a tiny bedsit on the outskirts.”

Ren began to unbutton your blouse, “I like your tiny bedsit on the outskirts. It’s very… you”

You snorted, returning the favour and concentrating on unbuttoning his shirt. No doubt that his place was very ‘him’ too. You soon lost your way as Kylo began to kiss your neck, unzipping your skirt as he walked you backwards towards your bed.

“No talk about work or snide remarks and there’ll be no politics related sexual innuendos from me,” he said sternly between kisses. Ren unhooked your bra, sliding it softly off your flesh. His lips found their way to the curve of your shoulder as he discarded your bra somewhere on the floor. He took a step back, admiring your naked form. A cunning grin spread across his face as he removed his trousers, “Get into bed and let me fuck you.”

To his surprise, you whipped the duvet from your bed and wrapped it around your bare body. Grimacing, you realised that you hadn’t changed the sheets in a while having been so wrapped in your work. Kylo attempted to ignore your sudden bashfulness, standing with his hands on his hips as he sighed, “That wasn’t quite my idea of getting into bed. Wait a minute, are you nervous about me seeing you naked? Because you shouldn’t—”

“No, I’m not nervous about you seeing me naked. See! Better?” you dropped the duvet, mirroring Kylo’s hand-on-hip stance. Your cheeks did turn a slight shade of scarlet as Ren’s eyes snaked their way up and down your body. He took in every curve, every mole, every blemish, biting his lip while doing so. He looked at you, his dark glare worrying you for a moment. You averted your eyes to the ground, wanting to take a step back, to run out of the room. However, you remained rooted to the spot. “I mean, I don’t let anybody just fuck me or fuck with me. If I want to be fucked, I ask to be fucked. You don’t get to just order me around!”

Ren laughed at your little power-trip, your attempt to get the upper hand in this relationship. Hearing a soft groan, you look up and see Kylo, fingers languidly stroking his thick shaft. “Go on,” he encouraged, “Fuck me.”

You pressed your lips together as you thought. Kylo’s shoulders in your peripheral version shaking as he laughed. “I can’t believe you have a duvet cover with the Resistance symbol on it!” he continued in an attempt to lighten the mood, “A Resistance duvet and a First Order politician in your bed. You really do like to take your work home with you, don’t you?”

You finally broke out into another one of those smiles that melted his heart, “You promised no political related sexual innuendos.”

“Y/N, I want you to fuck me. I need you to fuck me.”

You swallowed hard, stealing a quick glance at Ren’s hard cock. He was still stroking himself, his breathing becoming heavier as you contemplated your next move. Your eyes stared at his lazy masturbation once more, observing the athletic tone of his thighs. You decided to join him. _It’s just sex_. Your fingers interlaced as you began to stroke his length. He removed his hand slowly, allowing you sole play, but he groaned lowly in dissatisfaction as your movements ceased.

A sigh of pleasure escaped his lips as you straddled him, firmly taking hold of his cock. You smirked, your thighs gripping tightly to his as you kissed him. Between soft kisses, you leaned back to order him, “Now, you touch me.”

You gasped as one of his long fingers entered you. He groaned, you were wet. So wet. You pressed your forehead hard against his, gripping the back of his head as you both kissed once more. Your hips rolled in time as you mutually masturbated each other. Your head dropped to Kylo’s shoulder, your teeth lightly nipping at his skin as he curled the finger that was sheathed in your wet heat. Your lips caressed the tense muscles of his neck, “Now we can fuck,” you whispered.

Your back was poker straight as you knelt up, sitting up high on your knees, directly over Kylo’s cock. He looked up at you, finally removing his hand. His placed his finger in his mouth, licking and sucking on it with a smirk. Your eyes widened at the lewd action. He grinned, “You taste good.”

“I’m sure I do.”

Ren’s laughter at your self-assured manner was interrupted by a moan as you slowly inched yourself onto his cock. His hands smacked up against your flesh, gripping onto your hips. The tips of his fingers pushing so hard into your skin that he could feel your hip bones. Kylo’s head felt overpowered by the heated desire that had been building all evening throughout his body. As you rolled your rips, hands clinging onto his shoulders for dear life, Kylo finally felt the strength to look up. Your head was titled back, groaning heavily with each buck of your hips. You seemed so lost in your own pleasure until you suddenly caught his eye, pupils gleaming with a lustful rush of anger. Ren felt truly in awe.

He hooked his arms underneath yours, holding your shoulders with his hands as he managed to thrust up back. The pressure on your shoulders as he pushed you further onto his cock felt heavenly. The slick sounds of your coupling filling the room.

“You are fucking incredible,” he said through gritted teeth.

You stopped, taking Kylo’s face within your hands and kissing him tenderly. “I know.”

***

“I never intended on working in politics, I mainly did it to spite my parents. It was a lot of pressure being the son of two of the most prominent Resistance politicians. I acted out… _a lot_. While at university, I attended a meeting of people who opposed the Resistance, just to hear their views. All these people bashing my mum and dad and their policies, it should’ve driven me crazy. But I was fascinated, call it teenage angst and the need to rebel…”

You were cuddled close to Kylo, head on his chest as you listened to his political history. Your fingers ran over a small patch of chest hair, playing with it softly as he went on. The promise of not mentioning anything work related had been well and truly thrown out the window by now, but neither of you minded. It gave you a sense of normality to hear about his background. Finally learning more about the man next to you. “Changing my name, joining the First Order and running in the next campaign was certainly the ultimate rebellion.”

“A big fuck you to your parents?”

“Something like that. My dad… we don’t talk anymore because of it.” His voice cracked a little and he coughed to cover it up. You had heard that Han had been so outraged that he had refused to even acknowledge that he'd ever even had a son. Leia at least made an effort to be civil with him, you figured she must’ve still cared for her baby boy. After all, she wouldn’t have invited him to events like the book launch if she didn’t. He looked down at you, “What about you?”

“Oh, it’s all very small town girl hears an inspiring speech and heads off for the big city to change the world. My family were loyal Resistance supporters, dragged me to every meeting. As soon as I left school, I had an immediate job in the head campaign office. I remember you winning your by-election. Your hair was a lot shorter.”

“Really? You were there?”

“Indeed, I was working on the Resistance campaign.”

He smirked a thought popping into his head, his voice teasing, “Did you think me 'visually pleasing' back then?”

“No, way! I thought you were the biggest, nepotistic asshole I’d ever seen.”

Kylo laughed loudly at that. “I still won though.”

The smugness dripping from his words was undeniable, making you playfully role your eyes. “You only got by on a small majority.”

Jokingly, Ren looked under the duvet, “Hey! My majority is not small!”

The two of you dissolved into giggles. If you could’ve stayed there, huddled together, for the rest of your lives, you both would’ve been content. You closed your eyes, humming as you savoured the moment. Kylo watched you. If this was what your ‘just sex’ arrangement would be like, he could cope... for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHY WON'T THEY JUST LOVE EACH OTHER ALREADY?
> 
> Felt a little inspiration to write after that behind the scenes teaser of The Last Jedi. A little smut this chapter + you know the drill, hit me up if you see any little typos!


	8. A Spy In Our Midst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little short filler chapter, but there will be another chapter later tonight *fingers crossed it goes to plan* where important stuff happens (trying to be as vague as I can). Thanks those who left comments and kudos on the last chapter! It's been a crazy writing day so do let me know if I've let some errors/typos slip into the mix by accident!

You groaned as you unlocked the door to your office, a piece of toast hanging between your teeth as you settled into your chair, dumping your bag on the floor. Turning on your computer, you scanned through the e-mails that you’d been sent over the weekend. You head-butted the desk when you saw the mass of unread messages waiting your response. This was the last thing you wanted to do on a gloomy Monday morning.

The pounding in your head was beginning to worsen, your limbs aching as you felt a niggling sense of guilt for spending your weekend drinking and sleeping with Ren instead of staying on top of your work. It was highly irresponsible of you, but you did have to admit you’d enjoyed every second.

When you’d awoken, Kylo was gone. You felt your heart sink at the fact he hadn’t bothered to leave behind any note or send a simple text. It brought back the doubts Mitaka and Poe had instilled in you that you’d desperately tried to bury. What did it matter? It was a bit of fun, after all.

“Wow, you look rough.” You’d been so busy reminiscing on your weekend with Kylo that you hadn’t even heard your door open. “Where were you all weekend? I left you so many messages, but all I got was that ‘out of office’ automated reply. Why did you leave the party early? It was amazing!”

You looked up from your desk to see Rey navigating her way around the mess of papers and books on the office floor, “You really need to tidy this up,” she continued, taking the seat opposite you, “I can’t imagine how many health and safety regulations this is breaking.”

You wanted to make a quip about how lately you were all about breaking rules, but instead bit your tongue. A loud knock on your office door caused you to shout, “Oh my god! What does everyone want?!”

Kylo popped his head around the door, a rather surprised expression on his face at your yelling. You sighed when you saw him, “Oh, it’s you…”

“I’m on my way out for lunch, I wanted to check if I could pencil you in for a three o’ clock meeting? In my office?” His eyes darted over to a bemused Rey sitting in the middle of your interaction. He not so discreetly cleared his throat, forcing a grin, “To discuss a visit to Ucleon, of course. If you don’t mind.”

You scrambled through your bag for your diary, flicking through the dog-eared pieces of paper littered in scribbles, “Yeah… I can do that, Mr. Ren. Three o’ clock, right?”

“Yes, three. And if you can remove the… uh… paperwork on… As you did before… You know, when you removed the paperwork? You know what I mean?” You stifled a grin at how flustered Kylo was, his cheeks turning crimson at Rey’s inquisitive glare. He almost hit his head on the door as he retreated from your office, “Uh… Goodbye ladies.”

Rey raised an eyebrow, watching you like a hawk as you smiled at Kylo, waving as he left. His loud footsteps echoing as he walked away.

“He’s the worst,” she huffed once he’d disappeared out of earshot, “I know he’s trying to help you save funding for Ucleon, but that doesn’t make him any less of a twat. I bet he spent his weekend playing golf with his First Order friends, moaning about the Resistance trying to help the poor and needy. Don’t you dare let him visit Ucleon and take any of the credit!”

A part of you wanted to correct her, to tell her that Ren had spent most of his weekend in your bed, but you knew better. Word would get back to Poe and it would be a nightmare. Instead, you hummed an agreement while Rey bombarded you with questions and comments on your workplace. ‘How do you even work with him?’ ‘Why do you still have a diary?’ ‘Did you know you can sync up your appointments from your computer to your phone!’ ‘Wait… what paperwork was Ren talking about?’

You knew very well what Ren had been insinuating you remove, but Rey couldn’t know about your indiscretions with him. She despised him, everyone at the Resistance did. You were meant to be disgusted by Ren, but that hatred had long vanished and had been replaced with something else. The sight of him should have made you sick as it clearly did to Rey, but instead you found yourself filling with a strange warmth.

Thinking on your feet, you tried to sound confident in your lie. “I think he means the Ucleon file, removing the pages wastes time. We won’t be working together much longer. Besides, I like to keep a written record of all my meetings and important deadlines. Someone could easily steal my phone and then what would I do?”

***

“You should’ve sent her straight into my office instead of keeping her waiting for so long!” Kylo yelled at his receptionist, “You know this meeting is of utmost importance to the First Order.”

The woman muttered an apology, glaring at him before fixing her eyes upon you as you meekly followed Kylo into his office.

“She knows,” you whispered to him as he leaned past you to shut the door. The memory of the woman’s icy cold stare made you shudder as you began to panic. You knew his secretary had the hots for him, most females did, and you knew she wasn’t as stupid as Kylo assumed she was. It didn’t take Einstein to work out that there was something going on between you and Kylo. “You need to be nice to her. Let her leave early or something.”

He waved a hand in the air, dismissing your fear, kissing your neck as he pressed you against the door. “You’re Resistance. Everyone here is going to be suspicious of you.”

Your eyes were frantic, “No, Kylo, she knows. I can tell. She must’ve heard us the other day. I can’t keep coming here!”

“Please, she thinks too highly of me to even entertain the notion that I may be bedding a Resistance member,” Ren sneered in jest between kisses.

You pulled back, angling your head so you could look into his eyes. “Also, what was all that about ‘removing the paperwork’? Could you have been any more awkward? I had to make up some lie to Rey about Ucleon paperwork. I thought we agreed no more innuendos?”

“What did you want me to say? ‘Come to my office without your panties on so we can have a quick fuck’?” He ran a finger down your neck, “Rey has quite the mouth on her, yet I doubt it’s as skillful as yours. She would’ve been sprinting to tell that Dameron of yours before you could even make up an excuse.”

Ren took your hand, leading you over to his desk. You found yourself chuckling in disgust at his retort, eyes darting to the wall to note that he had refrained from hanging up that awful Vader poster again as per your request. All of the blinds had been lowered.

“This is to make up for having to leave you this morning without saying goodbye,” Kylo whispered as he held you against his desk. His cold hands slid up your skirt, his brow quirking as his upper lip twitched into a smirk, “So, you did take my advice and removed the… paperwork.”

You shook your head, unable to hide the grin spreading across your face. You couldn’t believe that you were beginning to enjoy Kylo Ren’s arrogance. He hitched up your skirt, grasping at your thighs as he lifted you onto his desk. You watched, mouth agape, as he dropped his to knees and inspected the top of your stockings. Repeatedly lifting the sheer material before letting go, reveling in the sound they made as they slapped against your flesh.

“You have no idea what you do to me,” he muttered against your skin as he peppered your inner thigh with kisses. He mentally cursed as his lips touched your soft flesh. “I take it you enjoyed the weekend or you wouldn’t be here.”

“Please, I wouldn’t have let you stay in my flat past Friday if I’d hated it,” you replied, resting your palms hard against Kylo’s desk as he removed your heels from your feet. You peered down at him between your legs, “What exactly are you doing down there?”

“Snoke thinks I’m too aggressive when conversing with colleagues. He suggested I practice my oral skills,” he retorted, sparing a glance up at you. The dark lust in his eyes was evident. “And I plan to do exactly that.”

Tilting your head back, both of you let out breathy laughs at Kylo’s reply. You nodded, “Well, it is a must for good oration. Wouldn’t want you stumbling over your words when you visit Ucleon. They’d hate you even more.”

You were met with a wink from Ren as he shuffled forward on his knees. Parting your legs, he hooked them over his shoulders, sliding you closer to him.

A loud exhale left you, your eyes widening as you felt Kylo slowly lick your entrance. You reached out, fingers burying themselves in the tufts of his black hair, holding your breath as you focused all your efforts on staying silent.

Kylo sensed your unease at the idea of doing this while his secretary was sat the other side of the door, barely meters away, able to walk in at any moment. His right hand left your thigh, outstretching upwards to grab your face. He stopped your nervous glancing at the door, forcing you to look downwards at his actions.

Ren pointed his tongue, softly entering you, massaging your velvety inners walls. The intensity of the pleasure flowed throughout you as you sat and watched Ren, his head buried deep between your legs. You could hear his adoring groans, his lips vibrating against your skin as he moaned in appreciation.

The sound of female voices exchanging a conversation outside made you pause. You tugged at Kylo’s hair in an effort to get him to cease his ministration, speaking in hushed whispers, “Kylo, I’m gonna… We need to stop... Someone could walk in, Kylo, we should stop—”

“The only thing that needs to stop is you telling me what to do,” he mumbled against you, ignoring your protests and opting to suck lightly on your nub instead, causing you to arch wildly.

With one final suck to your aching clit, your orgasm swelled intensely throughout your body. Chest heaving, you attempted to relax, him finally letting you go from his grasp. You stroked his hair as he teased you gently for a final few times with several small licks. Pulling away, he said nothing. Rocking back onto his heels, he leaned in to kiss you fervently.

“I’ve wanted to do that all day,” Kylo panted through his words.

You smiled, opening your mouth to speak before a familiar voice outside caught your attention. Your eyes nearly bulged out of your head and Kylo turned to look at you, his face equally as shocked. He had trouble keeping his deep, booming voice confined to a whisper, “What’s she doing here?”

You straightened your blazer, checking all your buttons were completely done up, “I have no idea.”

A knock on the door silenced the two of you. Catching each other’s gaze, you both froze on the spot in fear until another knock prompted you to move. You ran to the other side of Kylo’s desk, perching yourself on the chair. Kylo clearing his throat, straightening his tie as he plopped himself in the seat opposite.

“Enter!” he called out once he was positive that you both appeared composed and unsuspicious enough. He tried not to grin at the way you rolled your eyes, mumbling some comment about how pretentious it was to yell ‘Enter’ at guests who come knocking.

The door creaked open and in peeped Rey. You saw her visibly deflate at the sight she was met with. “Oh,” she huffed, “You are in here.”

“Yes,” you smiled through gritted teeth. _What the hell was she doing here? Had she really trekked all the way to the First Order headquarters to snoop on you?_ “I am. You knew I was meeting Mr. Ren at three. Where else would you hope to find me?”

She frowned, “It’s just… You’ve been gone for ages.”

“We had important matters about Ucleon to discuss, but I think we’re done now.”

You rose to stand, gathering your belongings and turning to walk towards Rey when you heard Ren calling your name. Looking back, you raised an eyebrow. “Yes?”

“We never did set a date,” he replied. Upon seeing the way your eyes subtly widened in confusion and the way Rey was beginning to glance between the pair of you, he coughed, “…For the Ucleon visit.”

“Oh, right!” you discreetly sighed with relief. You’d been worried that Ren had inadvertently outed your dalliances to your loud mouth Resistance friend. “Well, I’m actually going back there next week. It’s my parents’ anniversary. Perhaps I can just meet you there? Say, Friday?”

Kylo nodded, a small smile making its way onto his lips, “It’s a date.”

Rey snorted, tugging at your arm as she pulled you towards the exit. Just before you were out the door, you glanced over your shoulder, stealing one last look at the tall First Order politician for the night. He grinned and you pulled an angry face, mouthing some expletives to show how unamused you found his quip about the idea of it being a date.

The entire walk back to the Resistance offices, Rey didn’t stop ranting about how much she disliked Kylo Ren.

“Can you believe he had the nerve to insinuate visiting Ucleon would be a date between the two of you? He’s so sleazy. I hate the First Order, they’re disgusting creeps!”

You played along, stuttering out a feeble agreement. She had a point, the First Order were disgusting and so was Kylo. You just so happened to like the disgusting things he did to you. 


	9. Delayed Trains and Declarations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HERE IT IS. 
> 
> (as per poorly written and some feels ahead. I sort of hurried posting this one because I was so excited to get it out there, so do let me know if you see any pesky errors/typos!)

Nearly a week had passed since your last encounter with Kylo in his office. Most of your week had been spent in Ucleon, going through budgets with other Resistance members at the local council to see what could be cut to adjust to the changes, and if there was the potential to raise extra funds themselves. It was nice to be away from the hustle and bustle of parliament. Working closely with your constituents, being able to assist with local issues in person was a lot more rewarding than typing out a quick e-mail reply.

With every tick of the clock, your parents’ anniversary dinner loomed nearer. You weren’t looking forward to being reunited with inquisitive relatives. When were you getting married? Did you know you that time flies and before you know it you’ll be thirty so you really should get looking? Have you perhaps considered swapping to a tamer career – because apparently, men don’t like women with strong arguments? You’d heard it all. Quite frankly, you’d be far happier attending to your constituents’ needs. Yet, Poe had been insistent that you should leave early to mentally prepare yourself and that while you were gone, he’d oversee all the matters.

Picking up your bag and jacket, you saw Poe look at you. His dark eyebrows were deeply furrowed, a painful expression on his face.

You frowned at your superior, “You alright, Poe? I can stay. The dinner isn’t until later…”

“I’m fine. It’s just a headache, that’s all. Old age!” He chuckled, his light tone dropped in to one that matched his worried features. He shuffled closer and whispered, “I know you’re still seeing Ren.”

You stare at him with a horrified expression, your jaw going slack. You tried in vain to stutter out some excuse, some explanation, but your mouth suddenly felt dry and the words never entered your mind. Poe sensing your unease, continued, “Rey mentioned that you’d been in his office yesterday for quite some time. She’s put it down to Ren being an arrogant First Order idiot and making this Ucleon case harder for you, but given that I know your history with the man, it didn’t take a genius…”

You wanted the ground to swallow you whole. Curse Rey! Poe patted your shoulder, reassuringly, “Don’t worry, I’m not going to suspend you. You’re too valuable to the Resistance for me to do that and it’s not my business, is it? Not really. Yes, fraternizing with the enemy is generally frowned upon and most parties would throw you out for compromising their integrity, but I know _you_. You think you’re the first Resistance member that’s been swayed by a good-looking rival? I know you’re loyal to the Resistance and if you’re willing to risk your job to meet with Kylo Ren, I can only imagine that it’s gone beyond whatever it had started out as.”

 _Had it?_ you asked yourself. Initially, you’d never planned on it being anything more than a one-time thing. Quite quickly it had developed into enemies with benefits, or so you’d told Kylo. Perhaps there were feelings there. Perhaps Poe was right, you’d fallen for that smug bastard. He leaned a little closer, voice dropping even further until it was only a faint whisper, “If I’m right, if there’s anything more going on… I just hope he’s nice to you. Just be careful. And if he breaks your heart, tell him I’ll haunt him.”

***

You’d taken great joy in replying to the governmental e-mail Ren had sent you, telling him in the most professional manner that you could muster that the citizens of Ucleon had refused the proposal visit from Snoke. Only in real life, they’d been far less polite about it. Expletives were thrown about, a bunch of angry shouting that led to a ‘Down with the First Order’ chant. After hitting the send button, you’d smiled smugly to yourself. You were thankful to finally be at home. Your real home. You’d almost forgotten what it was like to not live in a cardboard box. Being back in your constituency was the break you’d needed – even if some of the residents could be difficult.

Part of you was grateful to Poe for letting you go early. Friday morning’s community meeting had been dull as usual. Bickering neighbours, both had it in their mindset that they were right and the other was wrong. Unable to come to a gentlemanly agreement, you decided it was better for them to fight the issue out in court. You didn’t say it out loud, but all their raging had caused you to come to the conclusion that you were definitely weren’t paid enough. You had wanted to tell them that their squabbles were just petty in comparison to everyone else’s issues. You had more important cases to do with asylum and benefits that needing dealing with. Instead, you simply sat there and listened. You had breathed a huge sigh of relief once they’d both vacated the church hall. Although, they did need persuading from one of the kind, and rather muscly, volunteers who ushered them out with the reassurance that their case would be dealt with, but there were others waiting.

Your afternoon had been more exciting. A party had been held to celebrate your return and your early success in negotiations with the First Order. Even though you hadn’t reached a formal agreement on Ucleon’s benefits just yet, Poe had spent the day putting some concerned citizens’ minds at rest, ensuring them that you would succeed in retaining some funding.

There was a small buffet and disco in the community hall, a bouncy castle had been hired especially for the children. All the money had been raised by the residents with a considerable donation from yourself. They deserved it. _More so if Snoke decides Ucleon’s not valuable and destroys us_ … your mind wandered to the dark place again. You shook your head in an attempt to dispel the bad thoughts. No, everything is on track. It had been a long battle with the council, committees, and finally, with Kylo. He’s surely been fighting your corner to the First Order. In a way, you wished he could’ve been here. As much as it pained you to admit it, the more time you’d spent with him, the more you had grown to like him despite his political allegiance.

The sound of a low, but familiar voice crooning to some ‘80s pop-tune snapped you out of your thoughts. Brows knitting together, you looked up to see Ren on the stage. Karaoke microphone in hand. Your mouth was agape. Truth be told, you’d never seen him in his casual clothes before. He looked different. Normal, less sinister, and more like a regular man off the streets in his grey shirt and leather jacket.

“Friend of yours, darling?” your mother asked, joining you by the buffet table and handing you a glass of wine. You would’ve downed the entire thing had you not been so paralyzed with shock.

Tearing your attention briefly away from Ren, you nodded, “Uh… you could say that. I know him from work.”

“He’s not a bad singer,” she remarked, evidently impressed. In all honesty, you were quite astonished with Kylo’s singing talents. He was no ‘80’s pop star, but it was listenable which was more than could be said of a lot of the people who had tackled the karaoke mic before him. “You should invite him to our dinner tonight. You know we’ve been dying to meet more of your government friends. He is a politician too, isn’t he?”

You knew what she wanted. To try and set you up with him, not that you needed her help. You imagined she’d faint from surprise if she knew you’d skipped the whole ‘getting to know’ portion of courting and jumped straight into bed with Ren already. Although, he wouldn’t be the worst one she’d picked out for you. She was low on options, having exhausted all her friends’ sons on you. None of them excelled beyond a first date. They were weak conversationalists as far as you were concerned. Everyone else labelled you as picky. Perhaps what you needed was someone with opposing views to stimulate a spark after all.

“Yes, but he’s with the First Order,” you mumbled, eyes leaving Kylo just as he managed to perfectly belt out a high note. You could see him making an attempt at some cringe-worthy dancing in your peripheral vision that seemed to have the crowd of your citizens going wild. Her interest in him had reminded you that he was the enemy and even if Poe had been willing to turn a blind eye, it still wasn’t right. No, the two of you would never work. “He should be up there covering Starship. We built this city on unfair cuts!”

Your mother watched with beady eyes, fingers clutching her wine glass tighter out of habit. A devoted Resistance voter, it made sense for her to be so fearful in the presence of the First Order. You dealt with those idiots every day, she didn’t and after all, who could blame her for being scared? They were threatening their livelihood. “Why’s he here?”

“Calm down, mum,” you flashed her a soothing smile, “He’s one of the good ones. Me and him have been working together on the issue with Ucleon’s benefits and he’s been… very understanding.”

 _In more ways than one_ , smirked your subconscious.

As his song finished, Ren locked eyes with you. Immediately, you looked away. You turned to your mother, “I should go… I still haven’t chosen what to wear tonight.”

You bolted out of there before your mother could answer and before Kylo could manage to scramble his way through the sea of Ucleon citizens. What was he doing here? You’d told him that the residents had refused his visit. If they knew that the karaoke king in front of them was actually Kylo Ren, the man working for the party who were trying to force them into poverty, or worse extinction, they wouldn’t be whooping and hollering.

As you dashed to your house, you turned back and saw Poe standing next to your mother. Her, looking befuddled. Him, giving you a knowing stare. Had things with you and Kylo really gone beyond what it had started out as?

***

This was your worst nightmare. Every social situation you’d had to endure as part of your government job was nothing compared to this hell. It had barely been half an hour, but a room full of your relatives was already beginning to feel suffocating. You’d already had to fend off several aunties and their prying. Oh, their sons and daughters were already married. Tick tock! You better hurry up. It made you want to scream.

“Having fun?”

You didn’t need to look up to know who it was. That deep voice was instantly recognisable, and you hated how you visibly brightened at the sound of hearing it. His party may be destroying the lives of your citizens, but Kylo Ren was your unlikely savior tonight.

Even though you’d seen him earlier, you were still stunned. He had changed into more formal wear, but it was still a world away from the uptight, suits and blazers Kylo Ren that you knew. His hair was messier, not so perfectly coiffed to fit parliament’s dress code. You preferred Kylo like this, relaxed, without a care.

“What are you doing here? How do you know where my parents live?” Your gasp turned into a grimace when you saw several relatives’ gaze glued to you and your tall companion, their fingers pointing in your direction as they spoke in hushed whispers. You could only imagine what they were saying. _Look, it’s our Y/N! With a man!_

“I have my sources,” he replied, turning so he shielded you from the curious stares of your family members. His back facing them as he chuckled, “No, your mother invited me after you ran off.”  
  
_Great._ You rolled your eyes, you’d have to add her to your curse list. “You could’ve at least text me first to warn me that I’d be the talk of the party.”

“Where’s the fun in that?” he teased, before pausing, “What do you mean the talk of the party?”

You shook your head, narrowing your eyes at you made eye contact, “Never mind. Why are you here? I told you that Ucleon’s residents didn’t want to meet–”

He hated how you made him so nervous, his confident persona dissolving with one look. Feeling powerless was new to him. He was used to walking into a room and dictating what he wanted with ease. Yet, when it came to you, he was always struggling to find the words that would perfectly summarise his intense feelings. He shrugged, unsure of himself, “You only mentioned them refusing to Snoke visiting, not me. Regardless, I wanted to see you. I had to see you.”

“So, you travelled across half the country for me?”

“Yes,” he stated as if it was normal to take a six-hour journey see someone you weren’t even sure you were friends with, “I’ve come incognito.”

“As much as I’m tempted to make a remark about how dressing down doesn’t count as much of a disguise, it seems to have worked,” you grinned, hands absentmindedly wandering up and down his blue shirt, “I don’t know if that’s because my relatives are all old or that my constituents are blind, but it seems that no-one has you down as being the golden boy of the First Order.”

He smiled back, eyes watching your movements, “I did consider a blonde wig and black glasses at one point, if that helps.”

You both laughed as the image of Kylo donning said blonde wig and black glasses with comically thick frames popped into your head. Shaking your head, you tried to rid your mind of the hilarious concept your brain had conjured up. You changed the subject, “So, what do you think of Ucleon?”

“It has a certain charm about it,” Kylo breathed, “Although, I haven’t seen much of it. Only what I saw in the dark during my taxi ride from the station and earlier at the little party for you, their Resistance darling.”

You rolled your eyes, “Shut up! Have you eaten? Aunt Hilda’s cooked up quite the buffet and there’s some wine. I wish you’d told me you were coming!”

“I’m not hungry for that. Come here.” Kylo held out a hand and you hesitantly took it. You were glad that he surprisingly took the time to mingle with residents and see how much the benefits meant to them rather than on the professional level that was initially intended.

Ren dragged you into the hallway away from your family and their gossiping. No doubt, the rumours were beginning to spread of you and the mystery man your mother had invited. His hands ran up your sides, hitching up your dress so he could touch the bare skin of your waist.

His voice a low whisper, “I travelled almost the length of the entire country on two delayed trains just to see you.”

You felt your cheeks heat up with embarrassment. Flattered, you retorted, “That’s what you get when you privatize national industry!”

Kylo ignored your smug comment, opting instead to kiss you with an intense need in an effort to quash the longing that had been bothering him all day. “No,” he spoke between his kisses. There was a determination in his tone. He wanted this. Needed this. “It’s what you go through when you desperately need to be with someone you like a lot.”

“You like me a lot?” you blinked, pulling back in shock.

He observed you carefully, considering his next move. “Relax, I’m not going to start making declarations of undying love. Don’t expect me to turn up to your office next week with a dozen red roses.”

You shoved his shoulder in a light-hearted manner, “I think travelling half of the country for a fuck will do just fine.”

“It’s not just sex, is it?” Kylo glared at you. He wanted to hear you admit it too. “Tell me.”

A tentative shake of your head caused him to sigh with solace that it wasn’t just him who had started to care for the other. You’d never realise how much of a great comfort it was to him to finally know that the feelings that had been brewing weren’t one-sided. You sighed, eyes dropping to the floor, “No, it’s not. I tried to convince myself it was, but I quite like you a lot too. Kylo, you know we can’t–”

“Can’t we just have one night where we don’t have to worry about the implications of this?” he asked and you nodded in response. His eyes darkened, enveloping you in his arms as your lips reconnected.

You both stood in the hallway, lost within your kisses. Smiles were swapped whenever your lips parted. Kylo’s hands moved from your waist to your back, his fingers splayed wide open as he pushed you closer to him. Against your thighs, you could feel his cock harden within his trousers. You didn’t even think about it, your hands were on him, reveling in the feeling of Kylo reaching his full hardness as you stroked him through his trousers.

“We should go upstairs,” you whispered, Kylo humming in response, too lost in your ministrations to care.

He kissed you once more, “Maybe. Or maybe we could do it here within earshot of all your nosy family members.”

His wandering hand found its way between your legs, softly stroking you. He played with the hem of your dress, you instinctively lift your arms so he could remove the sequined article of clothing. “You have the most atrocious taste in clothing, but the most amazing underwear,” he observed as he played with the trim of your lace black bra.

Kylo began to kiss the upper skin of your chest, hand clasping your full breasts as he devoured your skin. You watched, flabbergasted, but eventually managed to find your sanity. Tugging at his hair, you navigated his attention away from chest. You saw the puzzled expression on his face and laughed, “Come on, upstairs, before we give one of the guests a heart attack!”

You smirked, running upstairs before Kylo could process what was happening. He chased you, following you into your old bedroom. You squealed loudly as he caught you around your waist. You hurriedly removed your undergarments and he joined you, throwing his clothes in a messy pool with yours. Before you knew it, your back had hit your bedroom wall. The sound of items falling from your bedside table as Kylo desperately grasped at your skin.

He grinned between kisses, eyes darting around the room, noting the pink floral wallpaper and the teddy bears on the shelves. “Aw,” he jeered, “How sweet.”

“Shut up,” you punched his forearm, “I haven’t lived here since I was sixteen!”

He turned his focus back to you, gaze raking across your entire body. Something about defiling you in your teenage bedroom turned him on. It was as though he had been starved of human contact. He didn’t know where to kiss first. Standing back, you allowed him to get his crazed frenzy of kisses and grasps out of the way. You gaped at him, an extraordinary sense of power washing over you. No man had ever wanted you like Kylo did.

Placing a finger under his chin, you encouraged him to stand to his full height. You loved how he towered over you, pulling him back to your lips. The pair of you stood there for a while, lazily kissing. Kylo’s frantic need to claim your body with his lips dissipating instantly as you wrapped your arms around his neck, standing as high as you could on your tip toes even though it was no match for his height.

“Against the wall,” you whispered lowly.

One of his black eyebrows shot up, “Are you sure?”

Taking a deep breath, you nodded, “Yes. The wall.”

You laughed loudly as Ren picked you up with ease, pushing you against the wall once more. Your legs wrapped around his waist like it was second nature, hanging onto him tightly as you both let out breathy chuckles between kisses.

“I’m still not over the fact you’re here. I’m –” You didn’t have time to finish your sentence, head resting on Kylo’s broad shoulder, nuzzling into his neck as he entered you with a groan.

It was as though all his dreams had come true. Your lips caressing his neck as he softly rocked his hips against yours. His hands crawled down your back, cupping your rear tightly, holding you up as he almost entirely removed his cock with each thrust. In response, you moaned loudly each time, relaxing to the feeling of him entering you anew with each thrust.

Kylo lowered his head, planting a chaste kiss on your forehead. The tender action caused your heart to swell with that strange fondness you’d began to feel in your intimate moments with Ren. You lifted your head, lips lightly meeting his. “Good?” he asked gruffly.

You smiled, “Worth the journey across half the country?”

He cocked his head to the side, smirking, his confidence having returned. “Of course.”

You squealed as Ren began to quicken his pace. Both of you grinning at each other as you swapped messy frantic kisses. Your fingers returned to your favourite spot, his raven hair, gripping it tightly as his hips bucked wildly against yours. Kylo’s breath hitched noticeably against your neck as he lavished your sweat-soaked skin once more.

He clamped his lips against yours, muffling his groans as he came. He kissed you once more, his desperation to make your connection last as long as possible evident. Legs sliding down his waist, back to the floor, you stared up at him with glittering eyes, “Are you sure it was worth the two delayed trains?”

There wasn’t a hint of hesitation in him now. He wanted this, you wanted this. In this moment, in your old room, nothing else mattered. “Like I said, this isn’t just fucking, is it?”

You sighed and he stepped back affronted. “Kylo,” you muttered quietly, “I like you, I really do, but–”

“But nothing,” he scowled, voice rising in volume, “We can’t keep playing this game. Pretending we don’t mean anything to each other. I know you’re a stickler for the rules and I know what people would say, but I don’t care. I want to be with you and I know that you want the same!”

Mitaka’s doubts crept up on you again, surfacing from the pit of your mind that you’d tried desperately to bury them in. There was a twinge of venom as you spoke, “I’m just waiting for you to turn around one day and tell me it was all a bet between you and the rest of the insolent idiots at the First Order.”

“Is that why you’ve been holding back?”

“Mitaka, he told me about how you’d humiliated him in school and I kept thinking if–”

“If I’d humiliate you too?” Kylo suddenly filled with understanding, you weren’t pushing him away because you didn’t reciprocate his feelings. It was because you didn’t know if you could trust him. Part of him wanted to argue, to shout about how he was confused why you had put all your belief Dopheld so easily. Hadn’t Kylo proved himself as trustworthy? Hadn’t he put his neck on the line to help you and your constituents, but he quelled his anger. You liked him, that’s all that mattered.

He shook his head, his words stern. Meaningful. “I promise I won’t. It’s not a bet. I like you.”


	10. A Good Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's 1am, please take pity on me if there are typos/for the badly written smut/for the angst

“If Snoke could see you now, his junior minister, stark naked, in the bed of a Resistance member, openly answering government e-mails, you’d be out of the First Order quicker than your legs could carry you!”

You handed Ren a glass of red wine as he continued to work on his laptop. He was sat on your bed, the duvet pulled up to his waist, replying to enquiries that had been sent to his department. After your noticeable disappearance at your parents’ dinner, your mother had hounded you with questions about your whereabouts. You had made up some excuse about needing to show Ren an important document, but you had known from the smirk on her face, as well as the excitable murmurs of your other relatives when you both returned to the dining hall, that everyone had guessed. Although, they had no idea you were sleeping with the enemy. Far too drunk to realise it was Kylo Ren on your arm.

A further excuse about Kylo not being able to book hotel accommodation allowed him to stay the night. You felt like you were sixteen again, having to get your parents’ expression permission in order to have a boy stay over in your room. Resting your head on his shoulder, he continued to type, not caring that you were able to read important First Order work, “You’re really not attempting to hide your work from me, are you?”

“I didn’t leak any Resistance intel when I stayed at your flat and there were work documents everywhere, so I trust you enough to keep your mouth shut when it comes to what you may or may not have seen today.”

You smirked, “Maybe, but you’re still not going to get away with cutting the education fund.”

“Please, no office talk,” he held up his hand as if to silence you.

You climbed under the duvet, cuddling up next to him. Him, placing the laptop on the floor as he started to sip on the red wine you’d given him. It was these moments with Ren that you lived for. Getting to spend time with each other outside of the government bubble.

You glanced up at him, finger tracing light circles on his chest, “Say someone from the First Order did discover you’d come here, what you would say?”

“I’m performing my ministerial duty,” he deadpanned, but the glint in his eye told you he was joking, “I’d say that a certain resident of Ucleon wanted to give me a personal thank you for trying to save their benefits.”

You erupted into a fit of laughter. Kylo looking down at you fondly; he rarely got see you so carefree. Both of you were so used to putting up a front of professionalism for your jobs that it was nice to shed those formalities and just be yourselves.

Sitting up, you straddled him. Leaving his wine glass on the bedside table, Kylo’s hands snaked up your waist, holding onto you as he sat up straight. He began to kiss your breasts, lips tenderly brushing against your flesh. Your hands toying with his hair as you watched him, his gaze occasionally darting up to look at you, the flash of that grin that had charmed every person he had ever met, playing back at you.

“Have I managed to shut you up for the first time? Have I really out won an argument?!” The glee in his voice made you break out into a grin.

Smacking his arm, you feign fury, “You can’t ever tell anyone.”

He snorted, “If I did then I’d have to admit that I’ve been spending my most of free time with you and that I like it far more than I should.”

“Well, if it helps, I detest you as much as I like you.”

Kylo didn’t respond, pushing you back onto the bed. You bounced against the mattress as your body collided with it, your hand outstretching to grasp the duvet in an attempt to steady yourself. As he leaned in to kiss you, your phone started to ring. Craning your head, you frowned when you saw Finn’s name flash across the screen.

Ren picked up your phone, holding it in the air as he teased you with it. Bringing it close enough to your clutches, before pulling it away. “Hmm, Finn! Don’t the Resistance have any manners? Calling you at this time of morning, he needs to learn when to leave a voicemail.”

You tried to fight Kylo for your phone, but it was no use. He was much stronger than you. “Well, if you’d let me find out why he’s calling…”

The music of your ringtone trailed off and Kylo tutted, “What a shame. Now, lie back down.”

Resting back on your elbows, you watched with annoyance as Kylo placed your phone back on the table, but as he went to lower himself onto you, the phone rang again. You glared at Ren as he rolled his eyes, reluctantly throwing you the phone.

You answered quickly, “Hey! Finn!”

You lay listening to Finn as he begged you to stop making flippant remarks in press and lectured you on leaving that small party for you the other day. They’d used the excuse you were feeling unwell, but Finn claimed that it made you look like a spoilt brat. You rolled your eyes, the party wasn’t for you entirely, it was for the constituents. The focus should be on them. Kylo rested on top of you, lazily kissing at your neck as you feigned interest in Finn’s conversation. You playfully swatted his arm as he teased your entrance with the tip of his hard length.

“Finn, you can’t seriously be calling me at three in the morning on a Saturday just to tell me not to run away from parties thrown apparently ‘in my honour’?”

Kylo raised an eyebrow at you and you nodded in reply. Your train of thought was lost for a moment as he stared at you intensely, entering you slowly, inch by inch, a wide roguish grin on his face. You tried your hardest not to make a sound as Ren peppered your neck with kisses as Finn droned on with his complaints in your ear. Kylo bent your legs, wrapping them around his waist as he rolled his hips slowly against yours, that sinful smirk remaining on his lips as he did so. He took great joy in disrupting your chat with Finn, hearing the Resistance man call your name impatiently on the other line.

You breathed out an apology, “Sorry, Finn. I got lost reading this document… I know, I need to stop taking my work home with me…”

With that, you winked at Ren, covering your mouth with your empty hand to suppress your moans as he quickened his thrusts. The smug grin Kylo was sporting making you even wetter. He bit his lip, watching you in amazement.

“Yes, Mr. Ren came to Ucleon yesterday. I did tell him not to, but– No, I am not relaxing my beliefs! I’m as dedicated to the Resistance as ever, I just think there are some First Order men we can work with… I think I can work very well with some of them… Yes, he and I have worked very well together… Ok, I’ll speak to you soon,” you managed to speak between soft moans, but the tone of your voice suddenly changed. Your eyes widened with panic, your voice rising as you yelled at your colleague down the other end of the phone, “What? Why didn’t you tell me that first, Finn? This is unbelievable. Where is he, is he ok? No, I’m in Ucleon! I’ll get down there soon as I can…Bye.”

The second you ended your phone call, you shoved Kylo in the chest, “Get off me!”

He stumbled back, watching as your eyes welled up with tears, bubbling at the brim before spilling down your flushed face. He’d often been at the receiving end of your fury, but he’d never seen you so enraged. Dumbstruck, he merely observed while you stood and began to dress yourself in jeans and an old t-shirt that you found in the wardrobe. Wiping away your tears, you pressed the palms of your hands against the wardrobe’s cool wood as you attempted to steady your nerves.

Kylo’s voice was quiet, tentative, “If you didn’t want me to…”

“Oh, fuck you, Ren! Why is everything always about you? There are more important things going on in my life other than you. Look, stay here, I don’t care. I really have to get back to the city,” you snapped at him, grabbing your phone and running downstairs.

Kylo hurriedly changed back into his clothes, following you down the stairs. He felt with sick with worry, scared that he’d messed everything up. Before he could utter a word, you cut him off. “I’ve got to get to the hospital… Poe’s really not well,” your voice cracked from all the sobbing, “I was fucking you whilst… Then Finn calls and beats around the bush before telling me the real news. I’ve got to drive down…”

“No,” Kylo interrupted, his voice a commanding and deafening boom. If you weren’t so frightened about what was wrong with Poe, you would’ve been concerned that he'd woken your parents. “You can’t drive that far! You’ve been drinking... a lot last night and this morning. I’ve had one sip, I’ll drive you.”

You were both a mess, creased clothing, disheveled hair, but right now it didn’t matter. You needed to be by your boss’ side.

***

The chamber fell silent as you stood, hands shaking as you placed your notes down on the podium. You were heartbroken, the speech you’d scribbled down in the wee hours of the morning didn’t justify how you really felt. It was as though your whole world had been torn apart.

“I spent hours trying to work out how to put the events of the last few hours into words. Yet, nothing can truly convey the deep sadness of the passing of Resistance Member for Yavin, Poe Dameron. I’m going to do something we rarely do here in parliament and I’m going to talk from the heart…”

A small hum of acknowledgement came from the crowd of politicians from various different parties, their gazes fixed on you as you took a heavy sigh. Poe knew you hated social gatherings and speaking in front of rather large audiences of people who didn’t support your views. He would’ve been taking immense joy in seeing you confront that fear today.

“My constituency borders Mr Dameron’s. Therefore, understandably, the grief of those who live in his constituency has naturally bled into my own. We don’t make men like Poe Dameron anymore. Actually, he’d probably correct me for that. We don’t make _people_ like Poe Dameron anymore. He was a man of the deepest principle and I feel so honoured to have considered him a friend. He fought valiantly for those who couldn’t fight for themselves and I know that even if you disagreed with his politics, you would’ve felt nothing but respect for his sense of duty and commitment. His voice roared through the corridors of our government and will continue to roar through those of us he led at the Resistance.”

You looked down at Kylo sitting in the row behind Snoke, he flashed you a reassuring half-smile. You’d barely seen him in the last few days. The rumour mill of parliament had begun to stir, rife with the gossip that the two of you were an item after many saw you arrive together at the hospital. Rey had seemingly lost all respect for you after hearing the rumour that you’d supposedly slept with Ren on the sole basis of saving Ucleon. You tried your hardest to keep your head down, carrying on with your duties to your constituency whilst grieving for your superior.

“We have lost a man who made us better people, whose ghost will continue to join us in our debates and in our victories and defeats. He has left a huge hole in not just the Resistance party, but our lives. He was not just a colleague or a boss to me, he was a dear friend. A confidant, a mentor, a brother of sorts. The one who inspired me to enter the mad game of politics and without his support and belief in me, I wouldn’t be standing here today. I am, and will always continue to be, thankful to have known such an incredible man.”

You released a large breath of relief, hands of your fellow Resistance members patting you on the back as the chamber filled with a deafening round of applause. You looked to Kylo, finding his gaze fixed firmly on you while another First Order member whispered something in his ear. You saw his fists clench, but turned away to sit back down as another Resistance politician took to the podium to share their fond memories of Poe.

You just couldn’t shake the final memory you had of him out of your mind. Poe, looking rather pale and gaunt in the hospital bed. You, tearfully apologizing for not arriving sooner, exploding with guilt for being with Kylo and not answering the phone immediately. Poe had silenced you, making an attempt to squeeze your hand.

“I knew you felt something for him,” he had whispered hoarsely, “Forget what I said the first time. If you’ve found something good with Ren, hold onto it. Don’t let your career stand in the way of happiness. Happiness should always win.”

An hour later his heart hit its last beat. You had broken down, crying out as Kylo rushed to you from where he had been standing helplessly in the doorway. He held you, soothed you, until you were ready to leave.

As the last speech drew to a close, everyone began filing out of the chamber. Some staying behind to commend you for your speech and bravery. One of those people was undoubtedly Kylo. He waited until you were the last two in the chamber which had raised some eyebrows of a few politicians, no doubt reveling in the gossip they’d heard. You wanted to shout at them that what they’d heard was untrue for the most part, but you felt too numb.  
  
“How are you?” Kylo asked, cringing at himself. It was a stupid question. He motioned for the two of you to go sit down in one of the rows of seats. When he saw the tears beginning to fill your eyes, he whipped a tissue out of his jacket pocket. Handing it to you he watched as you gingerly dabbed at your skin, careful not ruin your make-up.

You shrugged, “Stupidly busy. I’ve got a funeral to organise and then a by-election to get Poe’s seat filled as soon as possible. Not to mention, the gossip about us. Rey’s barely talking to me. It’s a hostile place to be, everyone thinks I’ve let the side down.”

“For liking someone? For having fun? Didn’t Dameron tell you to be happy.”

You sighed, “Can we talk tonight? I’m back in Ucleon tomorrow evening. I’m sorry I’ve not had much time to see you, I–”

Kylo shushed you, arm wrapping around your shoulder as he pulled you to his side, “I understand. You have commitments. To your family, your community, to Dameron’s constituency. I’ll be there at eight and we can talk properly, but right now, you should go before someone makes up another salacious rumour about us fucking in the chamber.”

You chuckled. It was the first time you’d laughed in a long while, even if it was only brief. Breathing in the smell of him, you’d sighed at the familiarity of it. You’d missed him. He kissed the top of your head as you stood, giving you one last tight hug before you scurried out of the chamber.

 ***

Kylo had been called in to meet with Snoke minutes after your reunion in the chamber. He had been dreading this talk with his superior who had no doubt heard the rumours by now.

“Minister Snoke,” he was wary, standing before his boss, “You wanted to see me?”

The office was pitch black. Snoke wasn’t too fond of sunlight leading many at the First Order to joke that he was a vampire. His old age only fueled the jesting further. Kylo could make out a silhouette of Snoke sitting in his luxurious office chair, the man’s gravelly voice sending fear into the pit of his stomach. He sounded almost amused, “You’re sweet on her, aren’t you, Ren?”

“What?” Ren furrowed his brows.

Snoke laughed, but it wasn’t pleasant, “Don’t play dumb with me, Ren. The Resistance girl. You like her.”

Kylo shook his head, “She’s… adequate to work with. Look, Minister, whatever gossip you’ve heard–”

“Silence!” shouted Snoke, whirling around in his chair to face Kylo. Even in the darkness of the room, Kylo could see the man’s beady eyes trained carefully on him. “I had no need for the gossip, not after your lovely little conversation in the chamber earlier. Who knew you had such a heart, Ren. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’ve grown soft. Perhaps a position at the Resistance would be more suited to you–”

“I am loyal to the First Order,” Kylo’s voice was void of passion, his eyes blank as he stared down Snoke in the dim light.

His superior let out an exaggerated, loud sigh, “I’d like to believe that, Ren, I really would.”

Fearing for his job and to some extent, his life, Kylo pleaded with the man, “I will do anything to prove my devotion to the First Order.”

“End it with her.”

He had been so stunned at Snoke questioning his allegiance that he didn’t think he had heard the man correctly. “W–What?”

“End it with her. Break her heart, Ren,” Snoke spoke the words so casually, as though it was so simple, “The First Order cannot be perceived as weak. We are not privy to such emotions, especially when it comes to scum like the Resistance.”

“I can’t do that, Minister,” Kylo replied, images of you crying flashing into his mind, “She’s just lost her colleague, I can’t–”

Snoke slammed his fist down on the table, the sound of it colliding with the hard wood echoing menacingly in the room, “Yes, you can! And you will, because if you put a stop to whatever disgusting dalliances you’ve been engaging in with that girl, I’ll give her 90% of the funding she wants for her silly constituency’s benefits.”

Kylo swallowed and Snoke sneered, “How about that, Ren? She gets to live, along with her pathetic little community. No poverty, no threat of extinction. You’ve just got to do one simple thing…”

Ren balled his hands into fists, turning to storm out of Snoke’s office, but not before his superior had a chance to call out to him. “The decision is yours, Ren, but choose carefully. You may not like the consequences.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the lord giveth and the lord taketh away.
> 
> i think i'm coming up to the end of this, so there's maybe 2-3 chapters left. i do plan to write more of my beauty and the beast au 'evermore' once this is over, but thank you if you've made it this far.


	11. Adieu, Adieu, Parting is Such Sweet Sorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to those who left comments on the last chapter, i promise i do have a heart (trust me, i do, even after the pain of this chapter) and it is warmed by all the nice words and kudos! as always, i'm lazy and it's 1am so apologies for any errors and heartbreak caused. THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE THE FINAL ONE EEEEK!

Kylo had come by your apartment that night as promised. He grinned at the chaotic familiarity of the stacks of paperwork and empty takeaway boxes. He felt his stomach sink when he remembered why he was there, what he had to do.

You smiled at up at him as you settled back down onto your sofa. God, you were making this even more impossible with your innocent oblivion. You were lost in your rambles about some parliamentary bill that was being passed, throwing yourself back into your work as to distract you from the grief that he knew was eating you up inside.

“Don’t do that,” he boomed. You looked up at him with a quizzical expression. “Don’t pretend that you’re alright. You may be fooling everyone else with that front, but not me.”

The quiet that followed his interruption was intense. You chuckled bitterly, shaking your head as you fixed your gaze firmly on the carpet, hands outstretching to clear the cluttered coffee table. Kylo jumped in front of you, shoving your hands away from the mess. His actions caused you to cry out in frustration, “What the hell, Ren?”

“I told you to stop it.”

You didn’t like how demanding and stern he was being all of a sudden. It felt like a father scolding their small child. Except you were within your rights to cope with the loss however you wanted even if it meant shutting out the pain and sorrow and focusing on work. He was the unreasonable one. He always was.

The tears were beginning to brim in your eyes. You hated being like this. Vulnerable, upset, because then you knew you’d unwillingly burst out crying despite your anger. It made you seem weak and right now that was the last thing you wanted anyone thinking about you. You felt the hot tears streaming down your face, lip quivering, “Is this what you wanted, Ren? Me sobbing like a baby so you can swoop in and comfort me and feel like more of a man for it!”

It was his turn to frown in confusion, “I’m just trying to help you!”

“By making me do what? Channel all my sadness and grieve in a way that according to you is the right one,” you yelled, hoping you were shooting Kylo a death glare as per your aim. He was nothing but a blurred outline in your vision. “I don’t want to think about what happened to Poe, Kylo, because then all I’d do is sit and cry and that wouldn’t resolve anything. It won’t bring him back!”

He swallowed, “I’m sorry.”

You both silently surrendered to the fight. Kylo, because he knew that you had more pressing matters to discuss together. You, because you just didn’t have the energy. Closing your eyes, you took several deep breaths in an attempt to calm yourself. While doing so, you felt the sofa dip beside you and two strong arms wrap themselves around your shaking, sobbing frame.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated. He was sorry for a lot of things. He was sorry for what happened to Poe. He was sorry for making you cry. He was sorry for what he was about to do. Most of all, he was sorry for ever getting you into this mess due to his own stupid unprofessionalism.

He held you tightly until he was sure you were more relaxed. Not that it would ease the guilt or make his actions any less horrible, but because he couldn’t deliver another blow to you when you were already down.

“I come bearing good news,” he made sure his voice was soft, coaxing you into happiness. He tensed slightly, his next words coming through gritted teeth as he bowed his head in shame, “And some bad news, but…”

You sat up, gaze locking with his, “What is it? The good news?”

“Snoke and I discussed the funding,” The hope in your eyes at this statement was heart wrenching, but he carried on, forcing a pleased grin, “He agreed to give you 90% of the funding!”

A laugh escaped him as you wiped your nose, sitting up even more in astonishment at hearing that your constituents would get to keep an overwhelming amount of their benefits. You were elated. Gob smacked.

“Thank you so, so much,” you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you in a gleeful hug, “This is all down to you! I can’t believe you’ve done this! Thank you! This calls for a celebration, I’ll go grab the wine!”

Just before you could run off to the kitchen, he leaned his arm in front of you creating a barrier and forcing you to sit back down. You cocked your head, “Kylo?”

He was too lost in his thoughts. Psyching himself up for what he was about to do. You shake him, hands cupping his face to snap him back to the present. Leaning in, you planted a soft kiss on his cheek, slowly making your way down to his neck. He gently pushed you back and you glared at him, clearly affronted. “Ren…?”

Kylo couldn’t even look at you. “There is something else…”

“The bad news,” you mumbled and he nodded, “Lay it on me!”

“This needs to end.”

You furrowed your brows, unable to believe what you were hearing, “Excuse me?”

“Us…This…” his voice was cold as he gestured between the two of you, “I’m putting a stop to it.”

Rolling your eyes, you scowled, “Is this some sort of sick joke, Ren. Because I’m not in the mood for it.”

“I’M BEING SERIOUS!” he shouted as he stood causing you to flinch in response. It pained him to see you look up at him with wide, scared eyes. You were looking at him like he was the First Order monster you’d accused him of being. He wanted to take your hand, reassure you that he wasn’t diabolical and heartless as the rest of them, but he couldn’t.

Scoffing, you turn away from him, “So all of that ‘I like you, it’s not just sex’ bullshit was a lie.”

“I never said that.”

“Then what, Ren?” you pleaded, “I’m having trouble understanding the sudden change of heart. We spent so long playing cat and mouse. Me pushing you away, you chasing after me. If you didn't want me, you should've said.” 

Kylo sighed, “It was wrong of me to engage in such activity with you. The rumours are too much. I don’t want to kill my career because of–”

“Because of what, Ren? Say it!”

“Some Resistance girl,” he mumbled. He’d opted to omit the term Snoke had used for you.

Staring at him, you didn’t recognize the stony stranger before you. He couldn’t be your Kylo. The Kylo who you had spent weekends downing alcohol and swapping horrendously bad political jokes with. There was no warmth to him, his stance and his glare almost glacial. “That’s all I was to you, some silly little Resistance girl…”

“I am the biggest fool in the galaxy,” you continued as you stood up. You pointed your index finger at him accusingly, poking him angrily in the chest with every end of the sentence, “Poe warned me about you. Rey warned me about you. _Mitaka_ warned me about you. I didn’t listen to any of them because I thought I knew you on some personal level they didn’t. That I got a glimpse of the real Kylo Ren. Turns out, they were right all along.”

“I guess they were,” he shrugged casually as if it didn’t bother him at all.

The tears were back before you could even stop them. How could he do this to you? Be so cold-hearted? “Was any of it real?”

He shook his head, “Call it infatuation. Intense, passionate, short-lived.”

Smacking your lips together, you nodded. Acid dripped from your words, “Well, fuck. When you put it like that it makes so much sense. Thank you, Kylo, for proving to me that I had been right. You really are a selfish, arrogant–”

“Save your insults for parliament,” he silenced you with the wave of his hand. He feigned a yawn to insinuate that your exchange of fury was beginning to bore him. “I’m going to go.”

“Yes, I think you better,” you stomped past him, opening the door to your flat and waiting by it. As Kylo turned to exit, you stopped him, “One last thing, Ren,”

He rolled his eyes, arms folding across his chest as he stood in the threshold between your doorway and the complex hallway. He spat, “What?”

“I was lying when I said you were a good lay,” you quipped. It was false, but it didn’t matter. You wanted to win this final battle. He couldn’t just show up, toy with your emotions by reeling you in with the Ucleon victory, before ripping your heart from your chest and trampling on it until it broke into a thousand shards. “I faked every time.”

He growled, fists clenching as he finally left your flat. It wasn’t until the door slammed shut that you released all the sadness and anger that you’d been doing your best to conceal from callous Kylo. You sunk onto your knees, back pressed against the door, letting the tears flow.

Kylo, on the other hand, trudged angrily back home in the rain. He was ruined, breaking your heart was the worst thing he had ever had to do and he’d done some pretty unspeakable things as a member of the First Order. The one chance he had at finding something good, possibly even finding love, and Snoke comes along and ruins it.

He didn’t even realise he’d subconsciously taken the route to his parents’ home until Leia opened the door, pulling him in from the rain. “Ben, what are you thinking walking home in this weather? You’ll catch pneumonia!”

“I deserve it,” he muttered, standing in the hallway shivering.

As Leia attempted to put on a blanket on Kylo’s shoulders, he swatted her away. He didn’t warrant this comfort after what he’d done. Except, he’d come back home exactly for that reason. Because he needed someone to care for him now that you certainly didn’t. That is exactly why he had been avoiding instigating relationships with people... because someone always ends up hurt. Even in family, his parents had hurt him with their focus constantly being taken away from him due to their job and he retaliated right back, hurting them when he disowned his Solo ties and joined the First Order. Some First Order politician he made.  

Once he’d warmed up and gotten some food in his system, Leia decided to pry.

“You never did tell me about that girl you’re seeing.”

“We were never together,” Kylo answered gruffly. This is the last thing he wanted to talk about right now. “It was just an office rumour that got out of hand.”

His mother nodded, accepting that discussing the topic of you was over. She didn’t need her son lashing out again and pursuing the matter further would’ve done exactly that.

Ben appreciated her understanding, but the memory of that final showdown in your flat kept replaying in his head. He supposed it would always haunt him. It was the price he had to pay to keep his job. A rumour, that’s all you could be to him now.


	12. What Do You Think Would've Happened To Us?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i love sadness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please read end notes. This is an unedited draft so if there are any errors, hit me up!

Four years on and social gatherings were still the bane of your existence. You were just thankful that you didn’t know the bride nor groom well enough to be called upon to make a speech. They’d been part of one of the lesser known parties in the government. You hadn’t made a professional speech to a large crowd in so long that the thought of standing up in front of a garden packed to the brim with a mix of your former political colleagues and several strangers made you sweat.

You wandered around the garden aimlessly, navigating your way through the bodies dancing to the cheesy pop tunes. Your husband had abandoned your side minutes ago in search for the buffet. Lost in your daydream, you collided with a tall figure causing you to yelp. Uttering apologies you backed away, but once you saw who the stranger was you were rendered speechless.

“Um… Hello,” hearing his deep voice again stunned you. It had been so long and damn, he looked as good as ever. You were hoping he’d aged horribly, but you shouldn’t have expected anything less than annoyingly attractive from him. 

Your eyes darted away from his face and to his suit jacket. You began to dab at the champagne you’d accidentally spilt on it when you’d bumped into each other, “Oh, I’m sorry.”

He pushed your hands away, his voice gruff, “It’s fine.”

Someone cleared their throat and you were suddenly aware of the blonde woman by his side, beaming at you. Kylo’s gaze dropped briefly to his feet, “Y/N, this is Una, my wife. Una, this is Y/N, her and I used to work together. She was a politician for the Resistance.”

“Oh dear, the rival side,” she chuckled and you took the hand she stretched out, shaking it without hesitation. “It’s lovely to meet you.” 

Your smile in response was swift and seamless, “Congratulations! When was the big day?”

“Oh, a year ago,” she replied, turning her head to grin at him. He returned with a forced half-smile, before focusing back on you.

Una slid her arm around him, across his shoulder. There was a small hint of possession in her actions, letting her hand linger on his collar for a few seconds, all the while keeping her eyes trained on you warily. “It was a whirlwind romance, wasn’t it, honey?”

Kylo nodded, he had heard you’d married two years after you’d left. It had been a private affair. No-one in the First Order had any intel on what had happened to you and anyone he had tried talking to at the Resistance had shut him out. Even Leia had returned to him empty handed when she’d asked around the office about you. It had been as though you’d dropped off the radar completely. “And your husband, Y/N? Are you two…?”

“What? Am I still with him?” You hadn’t intended for it to come out so snappy, but in the moment, you couldn’t stop yourself. Sensing their unease, you let out a breathy chuckle under the guise that you had meant it as a joke.

“I meant, are you here with him?”

You recovered quickly, “Yes. He’s over there. By the buffet.”

Kylo and his beloved turned their head in the direction that you were pointing, eyes landing on a redheaded man standing by the table, stuffing his face with mini pies. Feeling as though he was being watched, your husband looked over at you and sent you a wave which you gladly returned.

You observed Ren’s gaze pause on him just a little too long, assessing. Clearly, he was surprised, recognising your spouse. “Ah.”

You felt the maid of honour’s hands at your back. “We’ll be sitting down for toasts in two minutes. I must check how the food is doing. Y/N, you’re not vegetarian, are you? I could’ve sworn that somebody said they were vegetarian. We do have some options for those.”

With your attention swept away, Kylo was already turning to leave the awkward reunion, “It was nice to see you, Y/N.”

“You too, Ren,” you plastered a strained smile across your face, making sure to maintain it the whole walk across the garden to your husband.

***

There was an empty seat on your right. You knew who the occupant would be as soon as you saw the name carefully typed out in fancy, cursive font. It had been inevitable.

“Oh,” was all he had to say when he wandered over in search of his place, finding out it was next to you.

What was sure to be the millionth artificial smile of the night crept onto your lips.

You desperately wanted nothing more than to bury your head in your hands and scream. You only had yourself to blame for being stuck in this situation. Why had you come tonight? There were hundreds of excuses you could have used, including complaining about how much work you had to do or that you still hadn’t finished knitting that sweater for your new cat. How in the world had you managed to end up centimetres away from this man – a man who more than four years ago turned your life inside out, who had shown up at your flat and ripped your heart into pieces. When confirming your attendance to the wedding, you had known there was a chance he would be here. A risk that you’d end up having to confront him after all these years. Had a part of you wanted to see him again? To clear the air? To get closure?

You swivelled towards the rather plump man on your left. Another false grin on your face. The notion of making pleasant chitchat with Ren made your stomach squirm and this round stranger would be your lifeline to avoid doing just that. “Tell me everything about yourself!”

Not even five minutes later and you felt like you knew everything there was to know about pest control. The man had droned on and on about new methods and how he’d had the toughest case of rat infestation last week. He clearly thought his power to banish rats was something you ought to be impressed by. By the time, he got to the story of the lice invasion, much of what he was saying was falling on deaf ears. You had tuned out, your focus trained squarely on Kylo to your left. Kylo laughing, conversing happily with the woman beside him.

After another infestation anecdote, Pest Control Pete had disappeared for a smoke and Kylo’s companion had left in search of alcohol. Now, it was just the two of you, bunched together on your part of the table. You both sat in silence for a while, gazing at the flower arrangement in the centre of the table.

“You always were attracted to bad boys, weren’t you?” You looked up, shocked that he had decided to start talking to you. There was a hint of amusement playing on his lips as he stared at you, “Fucking Hux! Out of all the choice you had at the First Order! I never saw that coming.”

You quirked an eyebrow, “Turns out me and him have quite a bit in common. We both left the political circuit to get away from egotistical assholes. He’s a lawyer, now.”

Kylo laughed at that, “I suppose I deserve that. And I’ve never trusted lawyers.”

You remembered how he had been so negative and critical about you meeting Mitaka. He always was a jealous bastard. Mumbling, you averted your eyes, “You deserve worse.

You suddenly feel self-conscious under his gaze, feeling his dark eyes raking up and down your frame, “You look beautiful.”

Silently cursing yourself for not opting with the more daring red dress that you had earlier toyed with wearing instead, you managed to utter out a quiet ‘thank you’ in response. Why did you want to impress him anyway? Those days were over.

“What are you doing for work?” he asked, “Now that you’re free of politics.”

Free of him, more like. You had never wanted to leave your job. You cared far too much for the residents of Ucleon. Yet, it had been the best choice. Without Poe to fight your corner, your party had lost all faith in you. The Resistance headquarters had been a rather hostile place to be. No-one would even look you in the eye or exchange pleasantries with you. Despite your success in retaining a large portion of Ucleon funding, it was like you didn’t exist to your colleagues. You reluctantly left, even though it broke your heart and for a while, you rued the day you ever met Kylo Ren. He stayed, untarnished from the whole ordeal.

“Oh, I moved into marketing.”

He nodded in what appeared to be interest, but you weren’t really sure what was real or not real when it came to Kylo anymore. He was so good at pretending, after all. The pair of you lapsed back into silence as a teenage waitress refilled your empty champagne flutes.

“Congratulations,” you choked out, “On getting married.”

“It was… unexpected.”

You took a large slug of your drink, “You make it sound like an accident. I’m sure a ring didn’t just fall on your finger and you woke up one day at an altar with her by your side waiting for all the important ‘I do’.”

“No. It was unexpected as I said. I didn’t plan on getting involved with anyone.”

And he didn’t. He’d never admit it, but he’d been a bit lost when you’d left. For several weeks, he’d taken up the life of a recluse. Staying at his parents’ house, shutting himself in his room, cursing himself for being so foolish as to let you go. He’d been hopeless. Snoke had pulled him out of the dark and depressive hole he’d buried himself in, getting him back into the political groove, introducing him to his new spin doctor who would reluctantly later go on to be his wife. Only she wasn’t you. She’d never be you.

You snorted, “You never were one for commitment, were you, Ren?”

His voice dropped to a stern murmur, “Are we really going to do this now?”

You felt yourself getting bold. You’d dreamt of having this conversation for four long years, rehearsing all the things you wanted to say to him. You’d half expected him to get up and leave when he’d realised that you’d been seated together. Some cruel joke from your colleagues. How could Kylo sit there, eating and drinking, conversing as though nothing had happened between you two? As if he hadn’t called the time you spent together so closely as nothing more than childish infatuation?

“Do you really want to get into this now, Y/N?” he hissed under his breath, anger searing through him.  
  
You lifted your glass again, eyes darting over to your husband who was laughing at something the maid of honour was saying. Hux looked over at you and winked, you smiled.

“Why not?” you retorted to Kylo while waving back at Hux, “It’s been four years. I think we’ve put off this argument for long enough, don’t you?”

“You’ve held a grudge for this long. Petty.”

“I am not!” you spat.

“I don’t know,” he sang bitterly, “I hurt you, yes, but I wouldn’t say it was all my fault.”

You frowned, “You can’t pin this on me!”

Kylo leaned closer to you, “You chose not to meet me. You were the one who didn’t want to listen to my reasons. To discuss everything.”

“Not to meet _you_?” you whipped your head around to stare at him, “Are we even speaking about the same relationship?”

“The day you resigned,” he hissed beside you, “We arranged to meet at the park on Birch Lane, or have you forgotten that? I wanted to explain to you why I had said all those things, to make amends. To tell you that I loved you. A sentiment that now seems stupid. Only _you_ never turned up. I knew you were hesitant and that I’d probably marred your trust in me, but a call, a text, some explanation would’ve sufficed so I didn’t have to sit there all alone like some fool!”

You remembered full well agreeing to meet Kylo. It had taken you some time to reach a definitive answer, flitting back and forth between deciding whether you had ever wanted to see him again after he had hurt you like that, ending it all so suddenly in your flat. Against your better judgement, you had accepted his offer. You wanted to hear what he’d had to say. His shoddy explanation for breaking your heart, but he’d never showed. Your mouth felt dry, eyes subtly widening as you tried to comprehend what he’d just said, “Wait… Birch Lane?”

“And you knew I couldn’t reach you because you’d handed in your work phone and changed all your other addresses for correspondence! The next day even your flat was on sale! I know what I did to you was cruel and despite my reasons, it wasn’t acceptable,” his voice cracked slightly, a helpless urgency in his words, “But I just thought after everything we had been through, I deserved a little more than a no-show.”

Your voice dropped to whisper, “It was Brick Lane, Ren. We were meant to meet at the park on Brick Lane. Far from the offices so we wouldn’t be seen together. And _you_ were the one who was a no-show.”

Your eyes locked, but before either of you could speak, Una approached your table. You took some satisfaction in noticing how Kylo flinched slightly at the feel of her arm, draping over his shoulder. She grimaced at the awkward silence that followed her arrival. She sighed wryly, “Alright, I’ll go, you two can get back to your political discussions now.”

“Brick Lane?” Kylo shouted once his wife was out of earshot.

A platter of different cakes arrived in front of you. You took a few slices of jam sponge cake and handed it to Kylo, an electric jolt passing through the both of you when your hands made contact. You used your fork to play around with the cake, mumbling, “I waited three hours.”

For a moment, you zoned out of the wedding reception, remembering the dismay of that day. There you were on a cloudy afternoon, weeping into the sleeve of your coat as onlookers strolling through the park glanced at you with concern. He had let you down again. You had foolishly trusted him, thinking he really wanted a chance to apologise for how he ended it with you and explain his actions. You had been stupid enough to believe that he cared about you.

“Did I hear you two talking about parks?” Pest Control Pete had returned from his cigarette break, plopping back down in the seat on your left.

“Yes,” you swallowed, trying to perk up, “Brick Lane.”

“Ah, I’m aware. Lovely park. Up by the crossroads, isn’t it? Quite the remote location, but it’s very busy these days.”  
  
Your eyes meet Kylo’s with a cold stare, “The last time I was there it was empty. I had a bench all to myself.”

As more platters were passed around the table, you began to feel nauseous at the realisation of what had happened. The food had lost its taste and you had lost your appetite. It felt like you were chewing down on rubber, miserably staring at your plate as the party continued around you. Like it always did. You were falling apart, but life went on.

You watched in your peripheral vision as Kylo lifted the bottle, pouring more drink into his glass. You remembered how much you had loved the shape of his fingers. Long, strong, and oh, the things they did to you. The things that man did to you. You had always found yourself comparing the little things that had enthralled you about Kylo with Hux’s quirks and traits, and you hated yourself for doing so. Hux was funny, he was courteous, but he wasn’t Kylo.

You spared another glance at your ginger husband. There he was surrounded by a circle of the other attendees’ children, making them chuckle with some appallingly bad dance moves. Your lips tugged into a small smile. What was it about First Order men being cheesy as hell? 

Shaking your head, you pushed back your chair and hurriedly scurried away from the table. You were aiming to get some fresh air away from the blaring music and the watchful eyes of your colleagues, and away from Pete who had cracked out another uninteresting and frankly disgusting anecdote about bugs.

Hiding yourself in a corner behind the bar, you hung your head and took deep breaths. The sound of pattering footsteps approaching you, caused you to look up. You watched as Ren stalked over to you. Gosh, you’d forgotten how much taller than you he was. He had a sheepish expression on his face, “I don’t know what to say.”

“There’s nothing to say, Ren,” you dug your teeth into your lip nervously, “You’re married, I’m married. It’s over, isn’t it? We’ve both moved on.”

He stepped forward, closing the gap between you, his legs brushing up against yours due to the close proximity. An arm outstretching as he placed his palm flat on the wall above your ahead, “Have you?” he questioned, his voice a low, seductive whisper that made you shudder. Your breathing quickening. “Have you really?”

“All this time,” Kylo muttered to himself, “Both of us believing the other had bailed out.”

“Can you blame me?” you replied, “After what you did.”

He sighed deeply, “No.”

“Why?” you swallowed, trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to spill, “Why did you end it?”

“Snoke,” he blinked, avoiding your gaze as he stared at a spot on the wall to your side, “He told me if I put a stop to our relationship, he would give you 90% of the benefits for your constituency. If I didn’t, not only would he publicly disgrace us, but he’d destroy Ucleon. I did it to save them, I did it to save you…”

A tear escaped, streaming down your perfectly painted cheek. You looked down at the concrete floor, your head was swimming and you felt so dizzy at the revelation that you’d faint. His confession hit like you a freight train. You had fallen into a pit of despair when he’d ended it. First, the loss of Poe and then the loss of the man you were falling in love with. Then, when he offers a branch, a chance to make amends and doesn’t show, you believed he’d abandoned you again and that had been the last straw.

In reality, he’d broken your heart that night to help you, to help the people you cared about and that only made you feel even more dreadful inside. Part of you felt a stab of anger, it wasn’t his choice to make! He couldn’t go around playing hero and not consider the casualties!

Privately, you grieved for the relationship that never was, hiding it from Hux. Although, you were sure he suspected that you had never quite recovered from losing Kylo Ren. You found yourself crying in the bath or in the car, tears of loss and guilt for what might’ve been and guilt for what _had_ been. Then the relief had set in. It would’ve never worked, you reminded yourself. Kylo’s admission of why he had ceased the relationship proved it. Your careers, your reputations were more important than your happiness. And his job, his loyalty to the First Order, it would always come first.

Kylo leaned in further, you could feel his warm breath against your skin, he reeked of alcohol. His eyes scanned your face, “What do you think would’ve happened to us?”

You kept your gaze straight ahead, “I think it’s best not to speculate.”

His voice was a low murmur, “I think we would’ve been happy. I think that we would still be together now.” You closed your eyes and he pressed on, “In fact, I know we would.”

You turned to look at him. His eyes were gentle, searching, terrifying. You knew that if he told you to jump, you would’ve asked how high and that scared you more than anything. The pain of losing him one final time had been unbearable. Now, realising that it all could’ve been prevented made it even worse.

His hand brushed your wet cheek, wiping away the tears, “Nobody ever made me feel the way you did.”

The world seemed to draw to a halt around you. Your heart racing. The four years spent mourning the end of you and Kylo melted away. In the back of your mind, you could picture it. How happy you and Kylo would have been. In a perfect world, he would’ve gotten the right park, you would’ve sat together on the bench, talked it out and you would’ve forgiven him.

Over his shoulder, you caught sight of his wife, Una, at the opposite end of the garden. She was watching you both, her expression unguarded, the concern evident.  She smiled awkwardly, giving you a brief nod, before looking down at the table. You felt the heat rise to your cheeks, turning them bright ruby red. _That could’ve been me._ Your focus shifts to Hux talking animatedly to a group of people. Unaware, blameless.

You couldn’t do that to either them. They didn’t ask for it. It had been four years, they’d married people they trusted, wanted to build a home with their respective spouses. They didn’t deserve to get caught in the crossfire of the unfinished business between you and Kylo.

“You have Una and I have Armitage and I know it’s not what either of us truly envisioned for ourselves, but it’s what we’ve got. We’d never have worked, Ren.”

You wouldn’t have. Despite the scandal surrounding you both, he had emerged victorious. He had climbed the ranks, you’d heard he became party leader of the First Order and was still well regarded even if they had been ousted by the Resistance who won the last election. You had been proud of your party, wishing you could have celebrated with them, but you knew that the fantasy of them welcoming you back with open arms was just that. A fantasy. To leave behind a decent marriage to chase after a man from your past was a risk. His party would hate it, probably rally against you and put pressure on him to end it once more, and you’d be back to square one. Would Kylo really put you first? The Order was more important to him than you. To return to him was a fantasy.

He desperately shook his head, his voice faltering, “Don’t say that! You know I couldn’t let Snoke destroy you!”

“I know and I’m thankful for that, I really am,” you replied and you meant it, “But you should have been honest with me that night. Told me that it had to end because of Snoke instead of being so cruel. It would’ve hurt like hell, Ren, but I could’ve lived with that! What I couldn’t deal with was you crushing my heart without any explanation!”

Kylo sighed weakly, “I tried…”

“There were other ways you could’ve sought me out, Ren. You could’ve worn my parents down! They’d have told you, but only tried once! Once! You gave up on me. Your career came first,” you sighed, standing straight, “It’ll always come first, won’t it?”

“No! You can come back to politics. I’ll talk to people! We can be happy this time.” He sees your grave expression and began to plead, “Can’t we?” 

You squeeze his shoulder affectionately, lightly pushing him away to free yourself. Seeing his despair, you flash him a small, but reassuring smile. “We _were_ happy, Kylo, but it’s been four years. We’ve lived different lives. Become different people.” 

The look in his eyes was full of sadness, but it told you that he understood, that somewhere deep in his heart he knew that it would never have been possible. It was a relationship based on carnal lust. Yes, there had been feelings, even love, but they could never have grown and flourished. It was far too complicated. A relationship of inconvenience. You could never have supported the Order and he could never have married a Resistance girl.

“I’m always going to care about you, Ren,” you blinked rapidly through the tears.

He backed away, taking a deep, long breath. You began to walk away, sparing a quick glance over your shoulder at him. Your eyes connected and you smiled, it was solemn, a silent goodbye. He matched it, responding with a slight nod.

You resumed your path towards Hux. The wide, oblivious grin that spread across his face made your heart ache. What kind of person would you be if you ditched him for Ren? Linking arms with your husband, you beamed up at him, “Let’s go home.”

“Are you sure? They haven’t even cut the cake!”

You looked over at Ren who was leaning against wall, cigarette in hand watching you. When had he taken up smoking? Must’ve been somewhere along the line when the stress became too much. You felt sadness at leaving him, of course you did, but it had been on your terms. You had the closure you needed. An odd reassurance that what you’d had with Kylo was real. The pain wasn’t as unbearable anymore.

You playfully swatted Hux’s arm, “I think you’ve had enough food tonight. You’ve barely left the buffet table.”

The ginger frowned at you, feigning anger, “I’ll have you know I burned all the calories while dancing.”

“Oh, really?” 

He nodded with a teasing grin, the pair of you giggling as you walked back to the car. Looking up, you stared in enchantment at the stars that dotted the teal blue sky before taking a deep breath. You felt like a huge weight had been lifted off your shoulders. You had a feeling that Kylo Ren would haunt you forever, but you felt a comfort in knowing neither of you were alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I owe everyone who ever read this an apology. I got so caught up with uni applications that I hadn't found the time to get online and post.
> 
> I've had this sitting in my drafts on my laptop for ageeeeees and I wasn't sure if I'd post it as I figured interest had probably dwindled given that it's been months. However, I recently got back into writing on Tumblr and have had requests for writings of other characters/people and one of them was vaguely similar to the story line in this chapter I had written so I re-wrote it and changed it for that request. BUT I adore Reader and Kylo too much to let this original draft go unposted and their story go unfinished. So here is the end(?)
> 
> Note: I wrote this when I was feeling super down and angsty so that's why this is an unhappy end of sorts BUT I can and will write an alternate happy end if there is demand for it.
> 
> Either way, it's been emotional and thank you for reading :)


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